So I decided anew today that I am not a morning person. In fact, I'm downright cranky. I can tell you this because it's now afternoon and I'm a functioning, rational human being. Madeline is a morning person like her father. They both like to laugh at me at seven A.M. when I'm trying desperately not to spit in their cereal or call them bad names I'll regret later. In honor of my struggles to wake up on the right side of the bed (which I think Jessie is probably sleeping on), here are some things that make me cranky. But that I have come to grips with now that it is full daylight.
1. Discount Book Sale. This is a lovely little website where Jessie ordered some books for me for my birthday, because they were dirt cheap. Well, we thought. It turns out they're dirt cheap because they sign you up for a twenty dollar a month membership without really telling you. It's in the fine print of the terms and conditions. Their website is pretty much designed to trick you into buying things without realizing you're signing up, so they can charge your credit card for the rest of your life without selling you any more cheap books. Oh, and they have you take a survey in which there is somewhere hidden a little box where you sell your soul to them so they can take all your information and give it to Rebate Giant, who then signs you up for a ten dollar a month subscription to their service that you also won't know about. A legal scam that just leaves warm fuzzies in your heart. Luckily, Jessie watches our financials like a hawk and caught the charges and got everything cancelled before we lost any money. And then reported them to the Better Business Bureau. After we discovered that googling the company will bring up pages and pages of complaints. Moral of the story: always check the BBB to see who the heck you're buying from when you shop online. Thanks for listening. I feel better now that I've trumpeted their crimes to the world.
2. Charlie Sheen. Normally I don't get worked up about celebrities, but we sat down and watched one of his television interviews last night and Jessie had to tell me to chill or he'd give me a sedative. Because that man is crazy. (I can say that even though I've never personally met him because I'm not a full-fledged psychologist, so I don't risk breaking any ethical codes. Booyah.) Also I'm pretty sure he hangs out with Satan and memorizes all his propaganda. And I will probably use him as my "Don't let this happen to you" when we give the girls the talks on not doing drugs. Sleep helped cool my ire, though, and now I just mostly feel sorry for him.
3. BYU basketball. Normally this makes me a happy camper. But naturally, hearing that we lost one of our starters has put a damper on my happy place. Not because BYU lowered the boom on him. I'm glad they didn't give him any special privileges for being a star athlete. And I'm not even mad at him anymore, although I was at first, because why when you're having a season like this would you do anything to mess it up or lose your focus? Then, after about 10 am when I became rational, I realized he probably didn't plan to do it as a way to screw over Utah (the state, not the school). And that even if he's not sorry, you probably won't find anybody having a worse day today then him. So my crankiness was less directed at anyone in particular and more of a feeling of that's just great. Because now instead of talking about whether BYU is the best teams in the country, ESPN is now holding a memorial service for what could have been and writing us off. Wonderful. In my now less cranky state, I just have to hope we can prove our team is about more than just one person (and who knew we'd be saying that about someone who isn't Jimmer?). I'm proud of our team regardless. Go Cougars. (This post is really getting pretty cathartic. I don't know if we can handle it.)
4. Mornings. Mornings make me very cranky. Did I mention that?
Alright. I've subjected you to enough venting for one day. So I leave you with a list of things that alleviate crankiness. In case you've been brought down to my level. Try them out and maybe you'll be singing and drawing rainbows in no time: chocolate, smiley babies, naps, tylenol, chocolate, cathartic blogging, winning stuff, chocolate, fuzzy socks, blasting the radio, potty trained children, chocolate, warm weather, funny toddlers, walks, chocolate. (Warning: I reccommend only trying the chocolate once or twice, regardless of how you may be tempted, or you will get fat. And getting fat does not alleviate crankiness. Thank you.)
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