A tale of a day

So some days are awesome. We had a day like that. All the children woke up screaming. That should have clued us in that there was a grand evil plan in the works. Ethan was the instigator. Here's a pro tip from someone in the trenches: If you have four children, never shower. Ever. Even in the dead of night, because that's when a kid will wake up puking or burn down the house or start their own rock band. While I was in the shower, Spencer and Ethan apparently had a friendly conversation. Then I had many small minions breaking down the shower door to tell me Spencer hurt Ethan! Including Spencer himself. (That's my favorite. Spencer likes to tattle on himself. It usually starts, "Mom, I need you. Something happened..." Followed by fun statements like "My room is not clean." "I hurt Ethan." "I started dumping this and I couldn't stop." Pointing to a giant pile of baby power. Or my personal favorite, with a very stricken look, "My pants are very full of poopies...") Anyway, Ethan joins the fray with his mouth dripping blood and the fun really began. Never fear though, the dentist says he will still one day be able to wear dentures. Nah, he just had a torn frenulum and a pretty impressive gash across his gums that the dentist was pretty excited about. But luckily it's all healing up nicely.

Of course, then after we got all that settled, Spencer was running (What? Spencer running? What a strange phenomenon) and biffed it right onto his face and got a nice bloody nose. Luckily Jessie was home because I was about done with my blood quota for the day, and Spencer can bounce back from black plague if you just kiss it and tell him he's okay. But when we came inside to fetch healing herbs and ointments, we realized Madeline tried to carry a giant 5 gallon drink cooler of bright red fruit punch off the counter for a lemonade sale and turned our floor into the Red Sea. (Ha ha. See what I did there? If I had thought of that at the time, Madeline still probably would have been grounded for a month.) So Madeline got to mop for a while which is actually one of her favorite things while everyone else bled except Kimberly. But lest you feel sorry for her for being left out, a few minutes later she was jumping on the bed instead of kneeling for family prayer and somersaulted off and hit her back on the bed frame and was a very sad little girl. So the day started with all the screaming, and ended with all the children screaming. And that, my friends, is show business. 

It's been a long road, without you my friend

So we're still alive. In case you were wondering. I decided it's time for another random update into the crazy awesome life of the Warners. Because I know you missed me. We all know there's no way in heck I'm catching up on six months of life events, because I don't roll that way. So we'll just pretend you've had nice regular updates on our vacations and holidays and doctor's appointments and circus performances and jump right into it, okay? Here's a picture to make life better.

Here are the four reasons we can't have a regular and frequent blogging friendship.

Anyway, because I like tried and true organizational methods, let's give you a little glimpse into each of these trouble maker's little existences. 

So Ethan. What can you say about this kid? He's turning two next month (wowsers, that went fast) and he's definitely asserting his own personality in this family. He has stopped screaming so much now that he can talk more, but he makes up for it by saying no and uh oh a lot. He can say about fifty words at least but mostly he gets by with "uh huh", "no", "uh oh", "please", and a whole lot of attitude and inflection. He likes trying to be a big kid but then he gets his feelings hurt and wants to be cuddled and held all day long. He loves Donald Duck and cars and is very good at singing Wheels on the Bus, if you can get him to get past "beep beep". He tends to get lost there for a half hour and we never make it all the way through town. He got new glasses with a bit better prescription, and he still won't take them off when he goes to bed so we give it about a week before they're mangled beyond repair. But I suspect he will still have no trouble picking up the ladies at the grocery store with them even when they're trashed. He gives kisses instead of saying sorry and likes to give bones Baymax style. He gets really excited about meat and anything liquid in a cup. He insists on trying to dress himself and is marginally better at it than he was, so it only takes a half hour instead of two to get him dressed. He still has some pretty bad eczema for who knows what reason so we'll probably be putting him in a bubble soon so we can roll him around like a hamster. He really digs the tv show Mash, which I totally only pushed on him a little bit. He comes running if he hears the theme song and brings me the remote. "Mash? Mash?" He also likes taking off his pants and thinks he knows how to potty train but we all know that's a pipe dream.

Speaking of potty training and pipe dreams, Spencer is having a lot of fun in that department. At three and a half, he thinks he is cool enough to wear underwear, and we mostly let him, except during nasty bouts of diarrhea. (That was a lesson learned the hard way.) We are pretending he's potty trained since he starts preschool in a few weeks but between you me and the wall, it might be more like sort of kind of partway in my dreams. Other than that, Spencer has an awesome life. He mostly runs around tackling people, destroying things, watching super heroes, and asking for treats. He gets his feelings hurt easily but that is usually fixed pretty quickly by a few seconds of sympathy from mom or dad. Unless it's a bigger calamity, in which case he tearfully tells us he's very tired and hides under a blanket in our room until something interesting distracts him. He likes to block hallways and demand you give him five dollars before you pass, but luckily he accepts imagined currency. He likes to say things will happen "Sunday", which can mean someday, Sunday, or any other day of the week because that's the only one he knows. When he gets in trouble, he's quick to tell us he'll act like a perfect gentleman "next time". He prefers to wear long sleeves, even in August, and no socks because socks are for people with no place to go and nothing to do. 

Kimberly continues to be a little fireball, and has grown quite the little temper (perhaps aided and abetted by her older sister but we'll get to her later.) She is VERY into Wonder Woman at the moment and all female super heroes. She wants an exact replica of her costume and her door painted like the Justice league, which all of my children call the Justice "leej" thanks to Madeline being their official reader of important information. She gets very angry when I don't give her many many treats but has learned much more quickly than the other children that she should suck up and speak sweetly when there are rewards to be had. She wants to have more friends but has very specific parameters as to who can qualify as a friend, namely 1. They must be four 2. They must be a girl 3. They must not be going into kindergarten this year 4. They must not be some one she has never talked to 5. They must be pretty 6. They must like Wonder Woman 7. They must not be born on a Thursday 8. They must speak German and French 9. They must not like Madeline more than her 10. Preferably they are exactly like her one and only friend she currently has. In fact, she doesn't need any friends except her one best friend because people aren't cool. Luckily her one best friend is in her preschool class so we are hoping that will go well this year. Otherwise Kimberly might end up home schooled and we are all very excited to see what an awesome teacher I would be.

Madeline. Oh Madeline. What can you say about Madeline? Really she hasn't changed at all in six months, except she's changed a whole bunch. She's so tall now. She looks like she's 13 and it kills me. She's starting second grade in a week and can make French toast by herself and spends most the day running around with friends and I don't even worry. Much. She is an excellent reader and loves to make cards and schedules and books and checklists and basically tries to organize her life with paper, tape, and crayons. She hates uncertainty and has been known to throw major tantrums if you can't tell her why Spencer opened the dishwasher or exactly how many minutes and seconds it will take for her to calm down and get off timeout. She is still a huge ball of passion rolled into a skinny little body and if our house explodes one day that's why.

Jessie is ever expanding and excelling and basically making me look bad. He changed jobs twice in the past six months, so those of you who were confused can continue to be confused even after I explain it to you, He had a brief stint at a company called Itok, then took a job at a really small company called SpinGo as Marketing Director, then got promoted to General Manager of the company. So he's all big and important and awesome, but don't worry, he still makes time for the little people. He is eagerly anticipating his first Father/Son camp out with Spencer this weekend, and I am eagerly anticipating when I can send Ethan off too.

Me, I'm just chilling. Having given up most of my grandiose dreams of the new year, I am content to try and keep up with the laundry and watch Psych and clean up all manner of bodily fluids and dream about when preschool starts and I will only have two children every morning. I get to sing in a choir at Stake conference this week, which is insanely awesome because I haven't sung in a choir in years and years and many moons and many children ago.

So that about wraps it up. As always, please take your trash with you as you leave the theater, but leave your uneaten chocolate. We look forward to seeing you again in another six months when production is completed on the exciting sequel, "Warners in Winter: An Epic Tale of Survival, Laughter, and Ridiculousness."