Pecadores pueden arrepentirse y sentir la luz.

It's Wednesday night! Time to party hardy over here. So while I have your attention, I would like to inform you of a great announcement that pretty much all of you know anyway, but that is definitely blog worthy. And I try never to neglect blog worthy events. So feast your eyes:

You see that hunk of a man? Well, he was named Lendion of the year by his company. Which is called Lendio. In case you were confused as to what a Lendion is. It is not a person from the country Lendi. But that would be cool. I think I am digressing. You see that awesome shiny trophy? That is proof that that hunk of a man is awesome and hard-working. He kept telling me they like him over there at Lendio, but now I believe him. 

Also: what you cannot see in the picture is Costa Rica. Which is understandable, since Costa Rica is not located in South Jordan. But Costa Rica is a pretty cool place, which is about to get cooler in May, when Jessie and I will take a nice little jaunt down there with several other couples from Lendio. Something about being Lendion of the year. I know. This is stellar news. I think Costa Rica is planning a parade in my honor. Probably. But I told them it wasn't necessary. All I really want, and what Costa Rica can give me, is a week to sleep in. I think Costa Rica and I will be good friends. If you want me to take any messages or cookies to Costa Rica, just leave them on my doorstep in an unmarked brown paper bag.

Anyway. That's all. I just wanted to share the love and joy. And to ask if you think Costa Rican mosquitoes have different cravings than Lehi mosquitoes  Because if they're basically the same I'm going to have to bring a heck of a large can of Off. But I don't mind. Because it's Costa Rica. And a week of sleeping in. In case you missed that part. 

How to teach a human being to control their bodily functions.

So we've been having fun this week. Keeping our New Year's Resolutions and all that. We had a spurt of the home improvement bug, and so we've been having a little fun moving around pictures and clocks and such and confusing ourselves. Now we spin in circles looking at the wall and feeling bewildered.

But beyond that, we're entering a fun new world this week. We decided for reasons unknown to the human race to try a little potty training and see if Kimberly took to it. We've potty trained one child, so pretty much we're experts. And by experts, I mean people who have no idea what they're doing and live by the motto "fake it til you make it". Let me tell you a little bit about potty training. It is a process wherein small children take control of their parents' lives and get spoiled while giving nothing in return. They can't figure out when to relieve their bladders, but they know exactly what avenues to take to score ipad time, suckers, stickers, movies, and other goodies. Potty training is the fruitless search for El Dorado that entices parents time and time again but takes it's sweet time materializing. Potty training is the toddler Lucy grabbing the football from the parent Charlie Brown. Potty training is awesome fun for the whole family.

Let me tell you something else I am learning about potty training this time around. You should never have multiple children when you are potty training. If you have older siblings, they may suddenly develop the need to use the potty twenty times more than normal in a bid for attention. They may also yell "YOU NEED TO USE THE POTTY!"to the potty training target at odd intervals and try to drag them into the bathroom by the hair. They will also require a treat, movies and ipad time every single time their younger sibling has any of these privileges. Now: you should never have a younger sibling around when potty training either. Especially mobile ones. They tend to try to splash in the toilet, unroll the toilet paper, dig through the garbage, steal ipads, and beg for suckers. I have come to the conclusion that the best way to handle this conundrum is to have one child, raise them to age 18, kick them out of the house, and then have another. Repeat.

So. We're having a good time here. Probably we'll be potty training for the next year, because that's how we roll. But never fear. It will give us a lot of quality family time, and a lifetime supply of suckers. Score.

Onward and Upward, to 2013

Hey all. Did you have a Merry Christmas? We did. It was exhausting. Good thing it only happens once a year. But we survived and enjoyed it and now it's time to get down to the serious business of January, which is,  I think I have mentioned before, the coolest month ever. Like a month long hangover of nothingness and cold. Not that I've had a hangover before, but I imagine if I did it would feel like January. Maybe I'll make a chain to count down to February.

However, January it is, and January it will be all month. So we'll just have to suck it up and get down to business. That's right. You may have thought that on my new once-a-month blogging schedule, I would forget to grace you with my traditional New Year's Resolutions Spectacular! But never fear. I have not forgotten, and I am here to resolve and reform and sally forth and improve and retrospect! But since it's no fun to follow through with my own goals, we're going to make family goals. Because I'm pretty sure my children have no pressing plans to resolve and reform and improve, and I find this disturbing. So, here are my suggested goals/edicts for my progeny, partner, and yes, for myself, because I guess I could use some edicts too. Let's do me first so we can get to the fun stuff.

Cami. Resolved:
1. To exercise once in a while. I would put down some hard numbers, but that might foster accountability or something and we can't have that.
2. To play with my kids with reckless abandon at least once a day. Drat it all, I quantified a goal. But I figure resolving to forget about everything else I've resolved to do once a day is somewhere within my range of ambition. Also, I sort of like my kids. They're good-looking and deviously adorable.
3. To look at Jessie once a day and say to myself, "Self, that is one good-looking and hilarious man you chose to marry there. Good call. Carry on."

Spencer. Resolved:
1. To learn to walk. He's close but he lacks motivation. We think either juice or being told he's not as ambitious as his sisters will spur him to action. Or he might sit there and chew on his stuffed bear. Whatever.
2. To learn to call Jessie Daddy instead of Mommy. Although I sort of like the mix-up.
3. To tunnel a secret cave into the floor in which to escape sudden assaults by sisters of the female variety who may want to sit on his face.

Kimberly. Resolved:
1. To learn how to sleep past 6 am. This will solve global warming and usher in World Peace.
2. To enter rehab to kick her juice addiction once and for all. Apple juice can drastically lower your inhibitions, causing you to remove your pants and sing "Santa Baby's coming to town" in public.
3. To learn to potty train with minimal stress and tears. From Mom or Kimber. Because potty training is around #3 on the New York Times Top Ten Ways to Have a Good Time.

Madeline. Resolved:
1. To enroll in acting lessons. We thought this might be a good outlet for her passion and flair for the dramatic. The master plan is to let these forces out in a safe environment instead of, say, at the dinner table or at bedtime.
2. To attend kindergarten and ride a bus. This has pretty much been her New Year's Resolution since April 2008.
3. To have 10 additional brothers and sisters, all at one time, who will reside in the basement in 10 cribs and be cared for exclusively by Madeline, except in the event she wants to take them for a walk, in which case I must accompany her because she is not allowed to take walks by herself. And if they cry, she plans to shut the door to the basement and hang out in the peace and quiet because she is very nurturing.

Jessie. Resolved:
1. To beat Cami at foosball, because we all know she schools him. Every. Time.
2. To buy a pink tie and wear it not infrequently, proving to the world that burly manly men wear pink and work it.
3. To appear on Celebrity Jeopardy and win a trip to Jamaica that he can donate to poor needy college students who support Van Noy for Heisman.

Now I know our New Year's Resolutions are lofty and ambitious, but we are beautiful, humble, refined individuals so I like our chances. We're excited for the new year and the chance to be awesome. You may think that we'll probably forget about these goals and end up watching West Wing every night while eating M&Ms and ice cream, but if you thought that, you would only probably be right. I hope you all made a bunch of awesome goals and practiced writing 2013 instead of 2012 so you don't look dumb next time you go to the bank. Mazeltov.