Hey all. Did you have a Merry Christmas? We did. It was exhausting. Good thing it only happens once a year. But we survived and enjoyed it and now it's time to get down to the serious business of January, which is, I think I have mentioned before, the coolest month ever. Like a month long hangover of nothingness and cold. Not that I've had a hangover before, but I imagine if I did it would feel like January. Maybe I'll make a chain to count down to February.
However, January it is, and January it will be all month. So we'll just have to suck it up and get down to business. That's right. You may have thought that on my new once-a-month blogging schedule, I would forget to grace you with my traditional New Year's Resolutions Spectacular! But never fear. I have not forgotten, and I am here to resolve and reform and sally forth and improve and retrospect! But since it's no fun to follow through with my own goals, we're going to make family goals. Because I'm pretty sure my children have no pressing plans to resolve and reform and improve, and I find this disturbing. So, here are my suggested goals/edicts for my progeny, partner, and yes, for myself, because I guess I could use some edicts too. Let's do me first so we can get to the fun stuff.
Cami. Resolved:
1. To exercise once in a while. I would put down some hard numbers, but that might foster accountability or something and we can't have that.
2. To play with my kids with reckless abandon at least once a day. Drat it all, I quantified a goal. But I figure resolving to forget about everything else I've resolved to do once a day is somewhere within my range of ambition. Also, I sort of like my kids. They're good-looking and deviously adorable.
3. To look at Jessie once a day and say to myself, "Self, that is one good-looking and hilarious man you chose to marry there. Good call. Carry on."
Spencer. Resolved:
1. To learn to walk. He's close but he lacks motivation. We think either juice or being told he's not as ambitious as his sisters will spur him to action. Or he might sit there and chew on his stuffed bear. Whatever.
2. To learn to call Jessie Daddy instead of Mommy. Although I sort of like the mix-up.
3. To tunnel a secret cave into the floor in which to escape sudden assaults by sisters of the female variety who may want to sit on his face.
Kimberly. Resolved:
1. To learn how to sleep past 6 am. This will solve global warming and usher in World Peace.
2. To enter rehab to kick her juice addiction once and for all. Apple juice can drastically lower your inhibitions, causing you to remove your pants and sing "Santa Baby's coming to town" in public.
3. To learn to potty train with minimal stress and tears. From Mom or Kimber. Because potty training is around #3 on the New York Times Top Ten Ways to Have a Good Time.
Madeline. Resolved:
1. To enroll in acting lessons. We thought this might be a good outlet for her passion and flair for the dramatic. The master plan is to let these forces out in a safe environment instead of, say, at the dinner table or at bedtime.
2. To attend kindergarten and ride a bus. This has pretty much been her New Year's Resolution since April 2008.
3. To have 10 additional brothers and sisters, all at one time, who will reside in the basement in 10 cribs and be cared for exclusively by Madeline, except in the event she wants to take them for a walk, in which case I must accompany her because she is not allowed to take walks by herself. And if they cry, she plans to shut the door to the basement and hang out in the peace and quiet because she is very nurturing.
Jessie. Resolved:
1. To beat Cami at foosball, because we all know she schools him. Every. Time.
2. To buy a pink tie and wear it not infrequently, proving to the world that burly manly men wear pink and work it.
3. To appear on Celebrity Jeopardy and win a trip to Jamaica that he can donate to poor needy college students who support Van Noy for Heisman.
Now I know our New Year's Resolutions are lofty and ambitious, but we are beautiful, humble, refined individuals so I like our chances. We're excited for the new year and the chance to be awesome. You may think that we'll probably forget about these goals and end up watching West Wing every night while eating M&Ms and ice cream, but if you thought that, you would only probably be right. I hope you all made a bunch of awesome goals and practiced writing 2013 instead of 2012 so you don't look dumb next time you go to the bank. Mazeltov.
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