What a man, what a man

Never fear, I didn't forget I was writing two posts. I just forgot I had four children. Or something. But I am pleased to announce that Jessie Lynn Warner the First has finally, officially, and irrevocably, gotten old.

This is what we were doing a year ago. When we were young. Now that crab would eat Jessie because he is old and decrepit and low on the food chain.

 

Jessie is 30! That doesn't even sound old anymore. Probably because I'm almost 30 and obviously I won't be old when I'm 30. But I want to make it clear, if I haven't with the other twelve references, that Jessie is old. Very old. But he is also pretty cool. He has done much with the prime of his life. Actually, during the Olympics we were watching some snowboarder who was 29 and Jessie got very mournful and was very bummed he hadn't won any gold medals or done anything else 'impressive'. Well, Mr. Warner, I am here to tell you that I think your first 30 years were very impressive. Super impressive. I  feel a list coming on.

 

30 impressive things about Jessie's first 30 years of life

(In a particular order, which is, the order they came to my brain)

1. Baptized a member of the LDS church
2. Served an honorable mission in Buenos Aires, Argentina
3. Married a girl almost as impressive as himself in the temple
4. Had 4 kids in five years (I give you partial credit, because we all know you didn't actually have them, but people are rightly impressed by you anyway.)
5. Bought and paid for 3(4?) cars
6. Bought and paid for a few doorknobs in a house
7. Served in at least a dozen church callings faithfully
8. Traveled to and looked hot in Costa Rica
9. Looked hot in Utah, Nevada, California, Idaho, and Texas (it is rumored that you also looked hot in over a half dozen easterly states and Argentina, but as no eyewitness testimony was recorder by anyone in this house, we cannot substantiate the claim)
10. Earned a Bachelor's degree
11. Earned an MBA (while supporting a wife and daughter who sat at home and watched reality tv and ate junk food)
12. Got a real job
13. Got more and better real jobs
14. Got promoted a lot, I'd write the number, but I forgot how many times. Honestly, Jessie, stop getting promoted. You make the little people jealous and sad. And they cry.
15. Broke both wrists at the same time
16. Got an honest to goodness, knocked out for hours concussion
17. Founded an annual White Elephant party
18. Made at least five major furniture purchases
19. Made Eagle Scout and other additional cool scouting things I don't the names of, including winning an award for being inspirational or something dumb like that
20. Won a television, ipad, gift cards, international trip, and other stuff, BUT NOT RECENTLY (hint hint)
21. Fixed a lot of household stuff and dry walled a ceiling, tiled some floors, and beyond 
22. Made my parents like you as much or more than me
23. Convinced your own mother you walk on water (I'm still searching for blackmail)
24. Watched the entire 7 seasons of The West Wing
25. Won a spelling bee (or maybe 2nd? Still impressive)
26. Had an appendectomy
27. Did I mention being a dad to 4 children? (Technically different than contributing DNA.) Good job sir.
28. Mastered the art of installing car seats
29. Beaten your parents at Pinochle
30. Put up with yours truly. For 8 years.

See? I want to know if Mr. Gold Medal can compete with that resume. Pretty impressive stuff, Mr. Warner. You don't sit around wasting time. Happy birthday and may your next 30 years be as awesome as the last. But maybe less hospitals. We love you around here.

It's her party, and she'll cry if she wants to

Hold on to your hats folks. That wonderful habit the people have of getting older every year means that not one, but TWO posts are imminent. We'll go chronologically for fun. And for order. So, coming up first:

Isn't that awesome? You just know it's going to be in her wedding video someday. Unless she elopes. Then I'll put it in an announcement in the paper. Anyhow, this little urchin is six years old now! My, how the time flies. Except it seems like it should be longer. I might be the only mother on the planet who feels like their kid should be older than they are. Maybe it's the three younger siblings? Who knows. We love having her around though. She's a little crazy and a little amazing. Here's some stuff I don't want to forget about Madeline:

• She loves school still and is doing great. She reads above grade level and is always, always writing. She writed her own stories and while her spelling is a bit creative, some of the are hilarious. One story was a rip off of "Brown bear, brown bear" with all of our family seeing each other. Until she got to Daddy, then it went a little like this: "Daddy, daddy, what do you see? I see Spencer looking at me. Hey Spencer. Stop it. Stop looking at me. No. Stop it. No. Stop it. I can't. Please stop it. Okay. I stopped. Thank you." 
• Although she has always, always gone by Madeline to all but a few people, she decided she didn't like writing out Madeline Warner on all her papers. So she decided to go by Maddy on her schoolwork. Which is weird, because I always spell it Maddie, but she decided that's what she wanted to do. And since there's a Maddy in the am class at school, all her work is now signed Maddy W. Cracks me up.
• She is also always, always drawing. I have to take away pens and crayons all the time to get her to listen. She got an art set for her birthday and spends hours making stuff at the table. She tapes weird shapes together and calls it a toy for Ethan. She recreates everything in construction paper.
• She still loves people and her friends more than anything. She has some good little buddies in the neighborhood and together they get in a lot of trouble and create a lot of drama. Her favorite letter is not M, but R, because that is what one of her friend's name starts with 
• She aspires, among other things, to be a builder, a teacher, an author, and a mother. And when she is a mother, and I quote, "my kids will all love my husband more than me. And it will make me sad."
• Her favorite pop culture icons are My Little Pony, Frozen (in which she is Elsa and Kimberly is Anna, naturally), Barbie, and Rapunzel. She has Let it Go memorized, like most small girls, and she sings it loudly in public restrooms. With a lot of attitude.
• She struggles with disappointment. Being told no often leads to a meltdown of epic proportions and time alone in her room kicking the door. We fully expect the teenage years to be horrendously wrenching.
• She loves to mother Ethan, and will often pick him up when he is crying on the floor and bring him to me. Which is not so helpful but sweet. More helpful is when she sits him up and gives him toys and makes him laugh. He adores her.
• She and Kimberly have a typical love\hate relationship of sisters. They play together quite well most of the time, but Madeline has a hard time giving up control in their little fantasy world.

So that's a small sampling of Madeline. She is a bit exasperating at times since she devotes herself so totally to whatever her little soul is doing, which means getting her attention is hard and all matters are life and death, but we love her passion, curiosity, and creativity. Happy birthday, Maddy Lou. May you always be so full of fun.