Sometimes I accidentally let my brain get sucked out of my head by bad programming.

I watched the Bachelor tonight. I am not entirely sure why I did that. I have been sucessfully boycotting the Bachelor on the grounds that is entirely stupid and involves way too much drama. I get quite enough drama from Madeline. But tonight, for some reason, I flipped to it, and remembered again how incredibly stupid and self-absorbed these people are, and how inexplicably entertaining it is to watch these people be that stupid and ridiculous. And these are the things I learned.

-If you are going to be on a reality show where you're hoping to find the love of your life and/or get famous and maybe be picked to be the next star, make sure you've got the vacation time. Seriously, why go onto a show if you're expecting to fail and be home in a week or two? It may be an example of lesser stupidity than agreeing to be on the Bachelor in the first place, but still stupid.

-When you agree to be on a ridiculously stupid show where dating/kissing/sleeping with multiple women is encouraged, don't be jealous when the guy is dating/kissing/sleeping with multiple women. You're an idiot. You want a nice monogamous non-slutty relationship, go meet a guy the normal way.

- If you bring a guy home to meet your family and he makes everyone cry, I would consider that a bad thing. Not a good thing. Bring home a guy who makes everyone laugh hysterically and who puts everyone at ease. It will be more boring for a television audience than endless weeping, but if you're not ridiculously stupid, there will be no television audience, so you won't have to worry about that.

- Kissing, as much fun as it may be to do, is really awkward to watch. Even Madeline knows this. The bachelor and one of his harem started making out and Madeline turned to me and said, "Bite? Bite?" I congratulated myself on having a sensible daughter who will probably never make out in front of a camera crew. Probably. Here's hoping. Lesson: Don't make out on national television.

I think that one night of drama and stupid people pretty much fulfilled my need to watch people being dumb, and I can go back to boycotting the show now. Which is a relief. Maybe I'll start a Monday night West Wing marathon. Because I much prefer watching fake drama that knows it is fake.