A post to end August and usher in an era of awesomeness.

So I don't want to jinx myself, but I kind of feel like I'm in the land of the living again. The nausea left weeks ago, but apparently my immune system thinks pregnancy=vacation, so I spent most of August being sick. A really long nasty cold, a lot of stomach pain, and just general yuckiness and lack of will to function. But I actually got up and did some things the last few mornings. My floor even got mopped, which says a lot. I did some non essential cleaning tasks. Jessie was impressed. We'll see if it lasts. I'm glad it's almost September. I'm done with August.

Oh, by the way, in case you haven't been able to tell from the last few posts about ME ME ME and Baby, I have some other kids. They're pretty cute. I'm starting to enjoy them again since I have energy to play with them and they somehow found it in themselves to start sleeping in until 6:30, bless their little hearts. We took Kimberly to her nine month appointment and she got poked a lot, which she didn't like at all but Madeline liked a lot because every time she got poked she got a bandaid. She ended up with four and Madeline had fun counting them the rest of the day, while Kimberly had fun having a fever. And not sleeping. Kimberly is thinning out, by the way. It appears despite her chubby babyhood she's going to be exactly like Madeline: long and skinny. She was 75th percentile for height and 45th for weight. And healthy, which is the main thing.

The girls also enjoyed a couple of outings this month. We took them to the dinosaur museum and farm country at Thanksgiving Point because it August and it's cheap. Madeline loved all the dinosaurs, although we had to assure her they were all dead and wouldn't be eating her after Jessie may have insinuated they wanted to consume her whole at the start of the outing. They also both enjoyed the pony rides at Farm country. I believe there are pictures of all these marvelous childhood memories, but they're all on Jessie's phone so they may or may not ever make it into the light of day. Just imagine it was awesome. Because it is always awesome when the Warner family graces the public with our presence.


Anyway. That's the scoop for today. I leave you with a picture of my children to prove they are alive and well and surviving my lack of stellar parenting. Actually, mostly because I think they're cute and worth looking at. That's all we do all day around here. Sit and watch our kids and wait for them to amuse us. It's like having a couple of active puppies that do tricks. And tell jokes. And jump through flaming hoops. Except they substitute each other for flaming hoops because we don't let them play with blow torches.

Everything you ever wanted to know.

So. We've been busy around here. Want to hear about it? Great. I thought so. Basically, we had a wedding. Then we went to the ER. Then we went to Provo. Yep, that's about it. Now we're going to tell you more. Because you know you want it.

Last week my little brother got married. Madeline has been super excited about the event for the last month. She got to be a flower girl, and she loved her pretty dress. We all wore purple and yellow and ate food and tormented my brother and things went pretty nicely. Then they were married and we all went home. That's about what happened.

Then Jessie and I were planning a little vacation. We wanted to ditch the kids and go down to education week at BYU for a few days and relax and have no kids. Basically. The plan was to take off Wednesday morning after my doctor's appointment. So naturally, on Tuesday night I started getting horrible stomach pains. Which is always great when you're pregnant and paranoid. I told myself to tough it out until morning, but after neither Jessie or I getting any sleep we finally went to the ER at one thirty in the morning. Which is the absolute best time to go, because they have CSI marathons on TNT and you have plenty to do while you're not sleeping. So Jessie took the girls home while I sat at the ER for four hours. After some morphine and a bunch of tests they decided they had no idea what was wrong with me and sent me home. So we got home and rolled back into bed about 5:30 in the morning. Let me tell you, I have never attempted an all-nighter before. It was so much more awesome then I imagined. Then, being the smarty pants we are, we got up at seven, took the girls to my parents, and went on our getaway anyway because we had money invested and drat it all, we were going to go get our money's worth! The vacation was actually pretty great. We spent the first day falling asleep in various rooms across campus, but after that we had a blast and enjoyed our time together.

Anyway. That was our fun and exciting week. And now, the moment you've all been waiting for: pictures of my bloated stomach! Because I feel gargantuan. I took so long to show with the girls that I feel like I'm already six months pregnant. The kids in our primary class we subbed today were quick to point that out. I never really did weekly pictures with my other pregnancies, but now that I feel huge I understand the morbid fascination of documenting your downward slide into a ball instead of a human being. I know it's bad because when I complain to Jessie about how fat I'm feeling, he just looks non committal and says, "Well, you are pregnant. You can tell you're pregnant." Which is sensitive husband talk for "Dang woman! You must be growing an elephant in there! " Just kidding. I love my sensitive husband who knows how to answer no win questions. Oh. The pictures. I got distracted.


This was a few weeks ago. It doesn't look as bad as I remember it. But remember, I was only 11 or 12 weeks. Madeline's stomach, by the way, is coming along nicely.


This is today, just shy of fifteen weeks. Feel free to assure me I'm not as huge as I look. I'll know you're lying, but I'll write you down in my book of nice people. And no, it's not twins. Just a football player, apparently. So, that's all for today. We'll see you again in two weeks. Or sooner if I win the lottery or another vacation. Don't hold your breath.

Startling Updates. Prepare your mind.

Hello, all. Lack of posting can only mean one thing- we are going through a sleep phase. But everyone slept in until a whopping 6:20 today, Hallelujah! (You think I kid. I do not. This is late at our house. I am actually pleasantly shocked.) So that leaves me with enough coherency to update you. I know, you all thought we died in Antimony. But I am here to make a startling announcement. We went to Antimony and nothing bad happened. I know. Amazing, right? No major accidents, tricks of fate, health crises, or other tragic turn of events. We enjoyed ourselves. We're planning on going again next year and I don't have anxiety in my stomach. It was our year. The year of the Warners. I hereby declare the rest of the year to be the Year of the Warners as well. While we're at it.

One reason Antimony was good was this little baby:

We bought a van! And we rejoiced and filled it with stuff and drove it around a lot. (Disclaimer: Not the actual van we own. Just a doppelganger from the internet. Please do not be disappointed. You may come stare at the actual van in front of my house if that makes you feel better.) We found a decent deal on a Honda Odyssey and bit the bullet. I love it. I can go wherever I want, whenever I want. Not that we do, because we are lazy and tired and pregnant and like to sit on the couch all day watching Oprah. (Oh wait. Is that over? Maybe that's not what we do all day. When I figure it out I'll let you know.) But we could if we wanted to. And we reclaimed our extra parking spot from its communal status and the neighbors were all sad. But sometimes you just have to be selfish and forget your community. Anyway. We're glad we'll have room for three munchkins now without strapping one to the roof.

Other than that, we're enjoying being chill this week. Kimberly learned to climb stairs and developed a keen interest in the bathroom plunger, so that's keeping us occupied. And Madeline spends all day singing I Am a Child of God and Somebody to Love, so we're all entertained over here. Happy August. Seems like every time I turn around it's a new month. Calenders are funny that way. Until next time.

We WILL go camping and enjoy it.

Well, so much for reforming and blogging often. But I have to come to remedy that situation and share with you more happy news. You know that quote about insanity- that it's doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Well, call me crazy. We're going back to Antimony. For all those who haven't been following the saga, let's review. Antimony is a little town in central Utah in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by towns you've never heard of. I've only met one person outside Jessie's family who had ever heard of it. Jessie's Dad went to high school down there, so it's been a tradition since they were small children to go camping and fishing there every year. Aww, sweet, right? Well, when we got married I was eager to support this happy family tradition. This is what happened.

Year One- We had a good time until we tried to leave. Because there were massive soldiers that had shut down all the highways nearby and you couldn't get through. So we unpacked our stuff and stayed another night, and I missed one of my best friend's mission farewells. Then we lost Jessie's keys and were locked out of our apartment when we got back with all our camping gear. Fun times.

Year Two- Also known as the year from heck. We once again tried to leave on Saturday, but going down the ridiculously hazardous road out of the mountains, hit a rock and punched a hole in our oil pan and died. Got driven around Antimony (population 75 or something ridiculous) by a nice random camper and determined there was no mechanic in this galaxy. Went back up the mountain to stay with family. Rode home with nine people in space designated for a maximum of six (including unrestrained babies) in a suburban with faulty brakes that randomly didn't work. The three hour drive took six inexplicably and things were flying off the roof onto the freeway never to be recovered. Eventually sold our car to a junk yard for a couple hundred bucks because it wasn't worth the towing to a town with a mechanic. Fun times.

Year Three- Foolishly decided to still go even though we were in the middle of moving. Got there late and set up camp in the dark because we'd spent the day cleaning our old apartment. Madeline cried all night because she had no crib. Twelve hours after arrival, our brand new tent randomly had two main poles snap simultaneously. Gave up and went home to a house full of boxes and twenty messages from evil landlady telling us she was charging us for twenty hours of cleaning in which she was presumably picking hairs one by one from ten feet down the laundry drain and demanding we come finish more OCD cleaning. Fun times.

Year Four- We never made it down to Antimony because Jessie had an emergency appendectomy. Ironically the most relaxing Antimony trip I've had.

So you see, I really want to be supportive of family unity. But you have to admit, that's a pretty long string of bad luck. And despite my best intentions to be positive, I think I've been conditioned to get a knot in my stomach when I hear the name. But seeing as how this tradition is not going away, we're trying again. Maybe one good, uneventful trip will break the streak and heal all wounds. So we're off to eat fish and play games and cook food and return home unscathed. Think good thoughts. Lots of good thoughts. And prayers. And maybe a few horseshoes and a couple strings of garlic.

Guess what we get to talk about for the next seven months.

So being pregnant is awesome. Mostly because I love wanting to puke my guts out and feeling exhausted even if I sleep in and take a two hour nap. But the most awesome thing is that even though the scale maintains I'm not packing on the pounds, my profile disagrees. I know this is normal when you're gestating human life, but I feel like ten weeks is a little early to be showing when I usually don't until well into the second trimester. I am breaking my photo silence to prove to you that I am protruding. Observe.


Forgive the blurriness. And the pajamas. I was going to wait until a day when I took the time to look good, but then I remembered I don't do that. So this is as good as it gets. I am resigned. Apparently being recently pregnant means your body is ultra prepared to grow again. Awesome.

In other awesome news, we almost bought a minivan. I say almost because we didn't. Obviously. Fun story. We found this fantastic deal on a van that had everything we wanted. It was dirt cheap because it was a salvage title, but seemed to be working great and was perfect for us. So we looked at it on Saturday, told the guy we wanted it, and arranged to have it thoroughly checked out Monday (because we learned from our last purchase of a salvage title to get the next one evaluated. In case it had been underwater and someone neglected to tell us.) Then the guy called us Sunday night to tell us his wife had borrowed the van to run errands, and totally crashed it. Pretty much totaled. Which was awesome for both of us, because we don't get a nice cheap van, and they don't get as much money because insurance companies suck. Frankly, I'm surprised it was insured because I'm pretty sure the guy didn't have it legally registered and was just switching out the plates with his car when he drove it. But I don't ask these sorts of legal questions when I'm buying off the black market. (Kidding. As far as I know everything was above board and legal. We like not going to prison.) So, we have concluded the romance was not meant to be and eagerly await our next chance at a meaningful, lasting relationship with a van that's in it for the right reasons. Yes, we might be watching the Bachelor. I don't know how you guessed. We all do things we're ashamed of when we are fat and nauseous and without minivan.

So I don't get chastized later: there is important information in this post. Read it.

Okay. After my last couple of overloaded spotty posts, I feel to repent of my blogging slackerness. (Or maybe I feel to avoid laundry, but I won't admit to that.) It's time to make it up to you, you faithful people who eagerly await my frequent wisdom and have been crying in your pillows thinking I've abandoned all blog hope. And to reward your patience, I'm going to make this one a good one, filled with exciting news and big deal announcements. Well, just one announcement actually. If you're not among the lucky ones who've already heard, get excited: The Warners are once again growing, with a new little one on the way! I know, you're aghast with wonder. So let's give you a chance to recover and play a little FAQ:

Q: Really? Already?

A: Yes. Already.

Q: Was that planned?

A: None of your beeswax. Okay. Yes. And no. The official party line is that this pregnancy is a "planned surprise". Or something along those lines. As in, sort of planned, but we were pretty surprised too to find we're so efficient.

Q: When's the due date?

A: Valentine's Day baby! Or close thereto. Hopefully not on my birthday. That makes me nine weeks today. We started telling people pretty early because Jessie was so shocked with the news he started telling everyone he met out of sheer dumb surprise. So we figured since his carpool knew, and his coworkers, and some random lady he had a business call with right after finding out, we should maybe tell family and friends.

Q: Not to beat a dead horse, but that's pretty close together, isn't it?

A: Yes. Kimberly and the new baby will be fifteen months apart. I hear people have done it before and lived, so I'm cautiously optimistic about my odds of survival.

Q: Isn't morning sickness fun?

A: No.

Q: Are you going to finally have a boy this time?

A: Well, I know two girls in a row is ridiculously unsymmetrical of me, and you're all dying to see what kind of cuteness a male Warner babe might possess, but it's sort of out of my hands. And we will be extremely happy if it's a girl as well. Since everything we own is pink anyway, and it'll be fun to put Jessie through heck when we're all hormonal at the same time in twenty years. Haha.

So, that's about it. We're excited, we're surviving. We're going to get a minvan out of this beautiful mess, so don't feel badly for us. I'll try not to be a slacker anymore, because I know you'll want to hear every detail of my aches and pains the next seven months. Until next time.

An itty bitty post with a lot in it.

Ah, summertime. For some reason this month has been ridiculously busy, which means we've been going and going and crashing and going some more. In the last two weeks, we've babysat our nieces, attended a two day family reunion in Logan, celebrated the 4th of July, planned and carried out another two day family reunion, had my brother over, and died. Oh, and Jessie got a new calling (assistant ward clerk/assistant executive secretary. That's the actual title. I didn't make it up), and Kimberly learned to crawl and climb in the middle of this mess. So we're a little bit weary. In a good way. In a let's-not-do anything-else-for-a-week kind of way. Except we're going on a date Thursday to Harry Potter, which should be relaxing instead of exhausting, especially since we're going at seven instead of midnight. Booyah. More sleep for me. After that, no more doing anything. Ever. For at least two days. Anyway, that's all you get today. Because I'm doing nothing except laundry.