Forever Young

So I am not as cool as I thought I am. We happened to miss an important date a few days ago, and obviously I love Madeline more than Jessie since I got her birthday post done early. But Jessie is a big boy who ties his own shoes and everything, and furthermore he's legally stuck with me, so I'm sure he'll recover. So...Jessie had a birthday! Old geezer. I admit, I have been terrible taking pictures with the camera this year, so we don't have as many pictures of the stud as would be advised. But fortunately, we had someone better with a camera get some shots, so we will forever be reposting those. So smart of us.

See how handsomely and casually he leans upon the post? A genius in leaning. So it would be fun to lie to you about his age, but Jessie would probably catch that and get mad at me. So I'll just tell you he turned a prime number. That's right! 37! You guys are so smart. (If he tells you it's only 29 he's clearly going senile.) Since next year is a big deal, 38 being a big number and all, I keep teasing Jessie that's he's on the brink of senior citizenship. In honor of his advancing years, let's list all the ways Jessie is getting old.

• Instead of lounging around all day at the beach or working at McDonalds, he got a respectable 8-5 job where he does computer stuff all day and cares what his boss thinks and occasionally wears slacks. Boring, right? I mean, I hear rumors they play ping pong all day and throw watermelons off of buildings and stuff. But senior citizens do weird stuff like that too.
• Whenever he participates in sports he comes home with injuries. Sprained ankles, jammed fingers, almost broken noses, strained muscles. Clearly his body is falling apart after years of overuse.
• He got his dream car a couple months ago after convincing me he needed it to commute and stuff. His dream car is a Hyundai Sonata. An old people car if I ever saw one. He tried to get the turbo engine to make it seem cooler, but I was worried about the effect on his blood pressure and nixed that idea for his health.
• He has 3 1/2 children. No explanation needed here. Only old fogies have lots of children.
• He spends most nights watching television on the couch with a pregnant woman. Every night I beg him to take me clubbing or to a midnight movie or a big concert, but he always claims he's so exhuasted after a day with the children and cooking and cleaning and he has a headache and man, gestating a baby is so much work, would I just leave him the heck alone so he can recuperate! Oh wait. That might be someone else. But the point is Jessie is old.

I could go on, but let's not embarrass the old boy. He's got some avid fans around here even if he is elderly, and he's pretty much everyone's favorite. You should see the mobs when he gets home from work. Jessie is pretty awesome, and let's be honest, he makes the world go round here at the Warner household, and pretty much holds everything together with his coolness. We love him a lot. Happy 29th, I mean 37th, birthday Mr. Warner! Here's to a good year ahead.

Five for Fighting

These little milestones keep coming a little faster now. Goodness, I'm going to have to start getting ghost writers. But I suppose I can muster up a little writing frenzy, because goodness knows, this is a big one. Here's the rascal now:

This little imp has, against all odds, made it to 5. Well, technically tomorrow she'll make 5.You have to be impressed I'm this on the ball. Wow, has this girl changed our life and made things crazy, but we sure can't imagine not having her around. Hmm. So. Madeline at 5. (That sounds strange. I don't like it.) Well, here's what's up with the princess:

- She lost her first tooth. It was super traumatic. It was wiggly for weeks, and we had her all prepped and excited for it to come out. Then, of course, I go to church ten minutes early for a song practice, and in the interim Jessie loosened it up and Madeline pulled it out. And then clammed up and refused to be comforted for the next two hours. Finally she got cheered up. But the next morning, the Easter egg she had stowed it in in anticipation of putting it under her pillow was abducted by her siblings and the tooth, sadly, was lost to oblivion. But Madeline, in her infinite wisdom, decided that Tinkerbell and her snow sister must have collected it for the tooth fairy even though it wasn't under her pillow, and sure enough, when we checked it out there was money under her pillow (because she has a mother who is quick on her feet, if I do say so myself). Crisis averted. A new tooth is already growing in. Sad day. She's kind of adorable without it.

-She's a week away from graduating preschool, and off to kindergarten in the fall. I am pretty much freaked out. I'm still having nightmares about school six years out of college, and there she goes to start the whole process. On a school bus where she will probably die. With a class full of children who will probably bully her or something. In a strange situation where she'll probably have a nervous breakdown where I can't talk her down. Oh, the fun possibilities. She'll be fine. She'll be awesome. I'll be a wreck. 

-She loves, loves loves writing and art. Our house is a wasteland of letters, envelopes, pictures, and cut up paper. She has started trying to spell things on her own, with hilarious results. She likes rhyming and singing and Daniel Tiger. Everything has a Daniel Tiger ditty to go with it. We sing a song for using the bathroom, for eating dinner, for waiting, for sharing. Sometimes I want to get my little hands on Daniel Tiger and poke out his vocal cords.

-She is probably the most emotional kid west of the Mississippi. Seriously, the amount of crises we have around here in a day is staggering. Sometimes over extremely important things like her friends having to go home after hours of playing, or being asked to pick up toys after getting them out. Sometimes over even more important things like not getting a treat after every meal or getting the wrong color plate or having a one year old act like a one year old in her presence. 

Well, there's a lot more that could be said, but I feel like that's a long enough novel. Madeline is pretty awesome. Still a firecracker as she's been since day one. Still a sweetheart and stubborn as a mule. Still creative and imaginative and crazy. She continues to amaze me and astound me and drive me nuts and warm my heart. Happy birthday, crazy girl. You can stop growing now.

All that she wants, is another baby

Hey everybody! Long time no see. So I may be the queen of excuses, but trust me, this time I have a good one. So for anyone who missed it on facebook, here's our little Easter annoucement:

So, there you go. Awesome reason why blogging has not been top on my list of things to do. Basically, this has been my priority list the last few months:

1. Don't die.

2. Make sure the kids didn't die.

3. Occasionally ask Jessie if he has died.

That's pretty much it. If there's time left over after that extensive list, I might use it to try and clear up the confusion between my house and the local land fill. Through PR releases, naturally, not through actually trying to lessen any resemblance my house bears to the local land fill. Fortunately, we are approaching week 14 and the nausea is abating, so maybe in the future the house will move up the list of priorities. 

Well that just sounds rosy and excited, doesn't it? Don't get the idea that we're not excited. We are thrilled to add another little whippersnapper to the family. We are undoubtedly crazy, and of course scared to death that four children will drive us swiftly to the loony bin, but we're glad and happy and confident this is a good thing for our family. I was reading some Anne of Green Gables during my sickly convalescence and ran across this little gem that sort of sums up my feelings (and reminded me that I was glad to be puking. Glad I tell you) : "Some folks think they (babies) are luxuries,' I said, 'but at Ingleside we think they are necessities." So if I start complaining about feeling yucky feel free to throw that up in my face and I'll give you a dirty look and we'll all feel better.

Here's to October. :-)

Boy oh boy oh boy

Heya. How's it rolling? We've been a bit swamped around here. Literally. The last month has been a bit busy. We've had a few birthdays, some Valentine's exploits, a flooded basement, weeks of sickness in which three of us had ear infections (hint: only one was a minor), Jessie joined a soccer team, and other stuff that I can't remember because I am either sleep deprived or recovering from a sinus infection. I've forgotten which. 

But hey. All that stuff can wait. Because like the awesome mother I am, I'm on a mission to prove the third kid gets the shaft. So only a few days or so late, it's time for one of our poignant and Pulitzer prize winning birthday tributes. And no, I'm not going to talk about how awesome I am, because that would be weird. No, our VIP of the month is this sharp fellow:

(Look! He even got cake! Okay. That's a lie. He already got cupcakes at my mom's and I've been super sick so he got a giant hunk of the ice cream cake Jessie got for my birthday. Poor deprived little son. But he got a special candle. So he's okay.)

Spencer is officially 1! Is it just me, or did that go fast? All of a sudden my little newborn is walking and talking and being a boy. It's nuts. He's pretty cute though. Looks a lot like his dad. So here's a little bio about Spencer. His talents. His quirks. His ambitions.

Spencer is all boy. He has transitioned from being exclusively a momma's boy to loving his Dad. Which, by the way, are the two words he can say: mama and dad. He just figured out walking the last few weeks, and although he is very wobbly, is enjoying his new freedom. He loves his binky, blankets, rolling around in blankets, pillows, ripping up books, food, climbing, destroying, laughing, whining, cars, banging pans, cuddling, following his sisters, escaping his sisters, wrestling, throwing things, and other boy stuff. He is a sensitive little guy, very inquisitive, who likes to kick back and relax. He'll let you know if you have done something to offend him, and then he'll burrow his head into your shoulder and cuddle it out. 

As you can see, he's already into the ipad and the iphone. He likes to try to do everything all the older people do, including talk on the phone, read books, put ear drops in his sister's ear, cook, conduct music, and stay up late. 

 He also enjoys playing in my pan drawer. A lot. When I'm cooking this is where you will find him.

After the doctor's visit, I'm pleased to tell you he's tallish and skinny like his sisters, with a ginormous head. Probably he's going to be a genius. He's healthy and happy. He survived his first year with only few falls and burns and emotional traumas. We've enjoyed having a boy around to break up the estrogen. He's happy and cuddly and awesome and just what we needed. We love him a lot even if he is the third kid. Happy birthday Spence-a-bug! Please go put the pans back in the cupboard now.

Pecadores pueden arrepentirse y sentir la luz.

It's Wednesday night! Time to party hardy over here. So while I have your attention, I would like to inform you of a great announcement that pretty much all of you know anyway, but that is definitely blog worthy. And I try never to neglect blog worthy events. So feast your eyes:

You see that hunk of a man? Well, he was named Lendion of the year by his company. Which is called Lendio. In case you were confused as to what a Lendion is. It is not a person from the country Lendi. But that would be cool. I think I am digressing. You see that awesome shiny trophy? That is proof that that hunk of a man is awesome and hard-working. He kept telling me they like him over there at Lendio, but now I believe him. 

Also: what you cannot see in the picture is Costa Rica. Which is understandable, since Costa Rica is not located in South Jordan. But Costa Rica is a pretty cool place, which is about to get cooler in May, when Jessie and I will take a nice little jaunt down there with several other couples from Lendio. Something about being Lendion of the year. I know. This is stellar news. I think Costa Rica is planning a parade in my honor. Probably. But I told them it wasn't necessary. All I really want, and what Costa Rica can give me, is a week to sleep in. I think Costa Rica and I will be good friends. If you want me to take any messages or cookies to Costa Rica, just leave them on my doorstep in an unmarked brown paper bag.

Anyway. That's all. I just wanted to share the love and joy. And to ask if you think Costa Rican mosquitoes have different cravings than Lehi mosquitoes  Because if they're basically the same I'm going to have to bring a heck of a large can of Off. But I don't mind. Because it's Costa Rica. And a week of sleeping in. In case you missed that part. 

How to teach a human being to control their bodily functions.

So we've been having fun this week. Keeping our New Year's Resolutions and all that. We had a spurt of the home improvement bug, and so we've been having a little fun moving around pictures and clocks and such and confusing ourselves. Now we spin in circles looking at the wall and feeling bewildered.

But beyond that, we're entering a fun new world this week. We decided for reasons unknown to the human race to try a little potty training and see if Kimberly took to it. We've potty trained one child, so pretty much we're experts. And by experts, I mean people who have no idea what they're doing and live by the motto "fake it til you make it". Let me tell you a little bit about potty training. It is a process wherein small children take control of their parents' lives and get spoiled while giving nothing in return. They can't figure out when to relieve their bladders, but they know exactly what avenues to take to score ipad time, suckers, stickers, movies, and other goodies. Potty training is the fruitless search for El Dorado that entices parents time and time again but takes it's sweet time materializing. Potty training is the toddler Lucy grabbing the football from the parent Charlie Brown. Potty training is awesome fun for the whole family.

Let me tell you something else I am learning about potty training this time around. You should never have multiple children when you are potty training. If you have older siblings, they may suddenly develop the need to use the potty twenty times more than normal in a bid for attention. They may also yell "YOU NEED TO USE THE POTTY!"to the potty training target at odd intervals and try to drag them into the bathroom by the hair. They will also require a treat, movies and ipad time every single time their younger sibling has any of these privileges. Now: you should never have a younger sibling around when potty training either. Especially mobile ones. They tend to try to splash in the toilet, unroll the toilet paper, dig through the garbage, steal ipads, and beg for suckers. I have come to the conclusion that the best way to handle this conundrum is to have one child, raise them to age 18, kick them out of the house, and then have another. Repeat.

So. We're having a good time here. Probably we'll be potty training for the next year, because that's how we roll. But never fear. It will give us a lot of quality family time, and a lifetime supply of suckers. Score.

Onward and Upward, to 2013

Hey all. Did you have a Merry Christmas? We did. It was exhausting. Good thing it only happens once a year. But we survived and enjoyed it and now it's time to get down to the serious business of January, which is,  I think I have mentioned before, the coolest month ever. Like a month long hangover of nothingness and cold. Not that I've had a hangover before, but I imagine if I did it would feel like January. Maybe I'll make a chain to count down to February.

However, January it is, and January it will be all month. So we'll just have to suck it up and get down to business. That's right. You may have thought that on my new once-a-month blogging schedule, I would forget to grace you with my traditional New Year's Resolutions Spectacular! But never fear. I have not forgotten, and I am here to resolve and reform and sally forth and improve and retrospect! But since it's no fun to follow through with my own goals, we're going to make family goals. Because I'm pretty sure my children have no pressing plans to resolve and reform and improve, and I find this disturbing. So, here are my suggested goals/edicts for my progeny, partner, and yes, for myself, because I guess I could use some edicts too. Let's do me first so we can get to the fun stuff.

Cami. Resolved:
1. To exercise once in a while. I would put down some hard numbers, but that might foster accountability or something and we can't have that.
2. To play with my kids with reckless abandon at least once a day. Drat it all, I quantified a goal. But I figure resolving to forget about everything else I've resolved to do once a day is somewhere within my range of ambition. Also, I sort of like my kids. They're good-looking and deviously adorable.
3. To look at Jessie once a day and say to myself, "Self, that is one good-looking and hilarious man you chose to marry there. Good call. Carry on."

Spencer. Resolved:
1. To learn to walk. He's close but he lacks motivation. We think either juice or being told he's not as ambitious as his sisters will spur him to action. Or he might sit there and chew on his stuffed bear. Whatever.
2. To learn to call Jessie Daddy instead of Mommy. Although I sort of like the mix-up.
3. To tunnel a secret cave into the floor in which to escape sudden assaults by sisters of the female variety who may want to sit on his face.

Kimberly. Resolved:
1. To learn how to sleep past 6 am. This will solve global warming and usher in World Peace.
2. To enter rehab to kick her juice addiction once and for all. Apple juice can drastically lower your inhibitions, causing you to remove your pants and sing "Santa Baby's coming to town" in public.
3. To learn to potty train with minimal stress and tears. From Mom or Kimber. Because potty training is around #3 on the New York Times Top Ten Ways to Have a Good Time.

Madeline. Resolved:
1. To enroll in acting lessons. We thought this might be a good outlet for her passion and flair for the dramatic. The master plan is to let these forces out in a safe environment instead of, say, at the dinner table or at bedtime.
2. To attend kindergarten and ride a bus. This has pretty much been her New Year's Resolution since April 2008.
3. To have 10 additional brothers and sisters, all at one time, who will reside in the basement in 10 cribs and be cared for exclusively by Madeline, except in the event she wants to take them for a walk, in which case I must accompany her because she is not allowed to take walks by herself. And if they cry, she plans to shut the door to the basement and hang out in the peace and quiet because she is very nurturing.

Jessie. Resolved:
1. To beat Cami at foosball, because we all know she schools him. Every. Time.
2. To buy a pink tie and wear it not infrequently, proving to the world that burly manly men wear pink and work it.
3. To appear on Celebrity Jeopardy and win a trip to Jamaica that he can donate to poor needy college students who support Van Noy for Heisman.

Now I know our New Year's Resolutions are lofty and ambitious, but we are beautiful, humble, refined individuals so I like our chances. We're excited for the new year and the chance to be awesome. You may think that we'll probably forget about these goals and end up watching West Wing every night while eating M&Ms and ice cream, but if you thought that, you would only probably be right. I hope you all made a bunch of awesome goals and practiced writing 2013 instead of 2012 so you don't look dumb next time you go to the bank. Mazeltov.