The Month of Not Awesome

So. Friends. The year of awesome. It's kind of hit a snag. A snag called February. Aided and abetted by March. I have a theory that involves a conspiracy in which both February and March have a Friday the 13th this year and this upsets the balance of the universe and everything goes kaput. Basically, everyone I know has had a rough couple of weeks lately. We have not found any evidence to the contrary around here, but we'll keep looking. Mostly life got derailed by this:

I got to have my first ever surgery, which was totally rad, and now I can act cool at parties. Since some of you have wondered what the heck we have been keeping from you, here's a quick rundown of the party, hopefully without too many graphic details, But if you are at all squeamish, stick your fingers in your ears and hum Hakuna Matata for a minute and we'll rejoin you on the other side.

Basically, what happened was my IUD freaked out. For the uninitiated, that's a type of birth control device that I will let you research if you so desire so we don't have to say scary words in public. But mine didn't stay where it was supposed to, and instead poked a hole and started floating around my abdomen. Which sounds a lot scarier than I suppose it actually is, because most doctors agree that in the highly unlikely event this happens, you won't really feel anything and it shouldn't cause much damage. Which is strange, because I had a ton of stomach pain for about 2 or 3 weeks in a totally different spot than where my IUD was hanging out and they're not really sure why and are not entirely sure if it was the IUD or a random, coincidental, unidentified ailment of mythical origin. Medical mysteries are so hip right now. But basically, I spent a few weeks trying to figure out this pain with a rather unhelpful general practice clinic, who seemed to be unsure whether they had any interest in practicing medicine. After a week or two of their adorable shenanigans, I ended up in the ER because that's how the cool kids get things done. The doctors there were pretty sure they were going to get a pretty picture of my appendix trying to explode and instead got a nice shot of my IUD playing hide and seek, which I already knew and had tried to tell the crazy clinic but I don't have a medical degree so you can see why they were reluctant to trust my opinions. Then my OB finally got involved, which in retrospect we should have done much earlier because we get along great at parties, and he was all, "Dude, let's cut you open and take out that sucker because it hasn't paid rent in like three months." And I was all, "Sounds totes amazeballs, you doing anything tomorrow my brother?" And just like that we popped into the hospital for a few hours and I've been IUD free since 2015! If you guys approve I'm going to be putting that bumper sticker on my van.

So there's the skinny. It's been a bit of a bummer because it's really killed my exercise dreams and I've had to push back some of my athletic ambitions, like running a half marathon in April, becaue apparently you can't just wake up the day of and swig a 5 hour energy and ace those things. Stupid training programs. And all this occurred while some other pretty sweet things were going down, like Ethan needing eye surgery, our niece crashing her car, Jessie's dad and about twenty thousand other people we know going to the hospital (it's where all the coolio people hang), everyone getting sick with colds, and a dozen other little things that aren't really impressive on their own but with their powers combined, they are Captain Planet!

But, never fear. Optimism springs eternal in the Utah snow and I have faith that there is some awesomeness left in this universe. Hopefully once we get Ethan's eyes all unwonkified and make sure everyone is healthy (don't worry, we'll be sure to have them cleared by Captain Crazy, MD at the We Hate You Medical Clinic), we shall continue to identify ways we can make your stay on Planet Earth more pleasant and set great records and in general be too cool for school. Just everyone do me a favor and exercise a little superstitious caution this March 13th. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make sure my kids aren't blinding each other with Shout spray.

Mad about the Boy

We interrupt our normally scheduled chaos to stop, breathe, and celebrate birth. The man of the hour:

Spencer has hit 3! I tried to get Kimberly to tell him how much fun she had being 3, and she said: "I had fun being 3. But I'm having a much better time being 4." So, you know, Spencer still has a year before life gets really awesome. But I think he'll have a good time being 3. And maybe 3 will be a less destructive than 2? A girl can dream. So here is our traditional bulleted list of fun facts about Spencer:

• He loves all things boy with a passion. His current favorite characters are, in order of importance, Lightening McQueen, Dusty Crophopper, Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Captain  Hook, Baymax, Robin Hood, Superman, Spiderman, And possibly Strawberry Shortcake and the gang. Having sisters has not been totally lost on him.
• He shows love by tackling, choking, jumping, and other manly arts of wrestling. WE are trying to convince him a soft hug will do.
• He loves to go shopping with me. His favorite thing ever is to drop Kimber at school and have a "Mommy Son Date!!!!" Although he didn't appreciate getting "stuck" in the mall with his aunt because it was too big and he couldn't find the way out. Silly kid.
• He is a destructive machine. I'm keeping a list of things he's killed so I can rub it in when he asks for money. He's got to his credit a big screen television, a screen door, several bracelets and necklaces, several books, some picture frames, a lot of wasted/crushed cereal, a million crayons, a couple piggy banks, and probably a few things I've forgotten. I spend a lot of time with magic erasers and my walls courtesy of Spencer, a lot of time with my broom, and a lot of time nursing injuries to him and his siblings. 
• Spencer yet has boundless enthusiasm. It's a trait I hope will never go away because it makes life fun. Anytime he sees anything he loves he says, "I like that! Oh! I love that! Thank you! Me love you!" His trials are equally dramatic, but quickly fixed. He'll coe over howling like he's been set in fire but as soon as he gets a drop of sympathy, he's okay and running back to the action.
• He loves to cuddle when he ever takes the time to slow down. He also is not a morning person, which I'm sad to say he inherited from me. He comes up almost every morning crying and says, "I want to sleep!" 
• His language continues to be slower than what I'm used to with my girls, but he's getting there. He talks in sentences now and is trying to incorporate all the "rules" we've been working on (I am going, Spencer, not Me going) and he's getting better pronunciation, but I still have to translate for most people and even I don't know what he's talking about half the time ,and I do a lot of smiling and nodding and "that's great!". Some examples of words he slaughters: "daket" for blanket, "ramen" for museum, "kettley" for Kimberly, "Deethan" for Ethan. But even though we work with him and have been making improvement, I admit I'll miss his "Otay! Me love you!" when he gets it all worked out. :)

So that's our little Spencer in a nutshell. He is fun and crazy and definitely a large part of our stress, but so sincere and loving and full of life you can't help but love him. I actually get to spend a lot of time with him when his sisters are at school or friends and Ethan is napping, and he's my little buddy who even occasionally spurns his father for my comfort, which is unusual in this house. If I ask him if he wants to ever go to preschool, he always says, "No. Stay with Mommy." So we'll let him stay little for a while yet and be my helper. Love you Spenceroo! Happy birthday!

The Year of Awesome

So. I already wrote a New Year's post. But then I went and got a little crazy and actually wrote some real goals. Honest to goodness. I'm not going to write all of them here, because heaven help us if I had to have people ask how I'm doing. Accountability never helped anyone do anything. But here's a couple. Because I have dubbed this year the year of awesome. I decided I am too young to be lame and I could do a lot of cool things if I wanted to, and suddenly I want to. So I will.

First, I am going to run a half marathon.

Yeah, that's right. A half marathon.

I'm feeling a little crazy.

As evidenced by all the spacing.
But no more spacing. I've run a couple 5k races, very very slowly, and I was feeling good. I had goals. Goals to run a 5k faster than a 3 year old. But then my sister got all crazy and said "Come run a half marathon!" And I said "Hey, why not, I am young and not lame and this is the year of awesome!" And now I'm trying to figure out how to do that, since I'm not sure I've ever gone over 13 miles straight on my own power in less than 12 hours. But it'll be fun, I won a jogging stroller, so that's not helping since I have 4 children. More helpful is the treadmill I scored on KSL for 30 bucks, That's right, 30 bucks. I would put in more spaces but I think I used them all on the half marathon. It at least lets me pretend to run without getting a babysitter.

Oh, but wait, there's more. I'm going to learn to play the piano. Because after 28 years I decided it would be cool if I could play the piano. Not that I'm taking lessons or anything, that would be ambitious. But Jessie bought me a bunch of piano books for Christmas and so once a day I sit and pretend to plunk out some stuff and I'm getting close to stringing together entire songs from easy piano books with one note in the bass clef. The children are impressed. Someday I aspire to accompany my children at FHE. If we ever sing songs at FHE instead of holding great speeches during pro wrestling matches.

Also, I am going to get my ears pierced. We're going all crazy for the year of awesome. My niece is getting hers pierced for her birthday and I thought, I'm young and cool and can pretend I'm not afraid to get my ears pierced. Maybe people don't do that after they become adults but I'm not people.

And I'm going to Disneyland. Because that's pretty much a required goal for the year of awesome. And the beach. Mostly because we've never taken the kids anywhere, except Idaho Falls and Vegas once, and thought maybe we'd try to buy their love and affection.

Well, there's more but they're a a lot more mundane and I figure that's quite enough accountability to be throwing out there. Just remember, if you're working on your own goals, that it is the year of awesome, and you too, are young, not lame, and cool. Unless you're old and lame and dorky, in which case I'm sorry. I'll try not to let too much awesome spill into your gloom. Happy goal seeking!

Ch-ch-changes

Well it's that time of year again. New Year's Resolutions! Year in Review. Auld Lang Syne. All that good stuff. We had very few expectations this year of changing much and ended up hanging just about everything. Go figure. We were jut going to chill and plan and regroup. Which is why we never make plans, because things just seem to happen to us. In case you missed all the big stuff, here is a recap of all the big changes we didn't mean to make:

• Moving, obviously. New house, new neighborhood, new ward, new school. No biggie. 
• New callings. Nursery is the sweetest gig ever, people. I really don't know why it gets such a bad rap. Food, toys, singing, and no prep? Plus we only do it every other week.
• We had Jessie's niece move in with us. That's been an eye opening experience, introducing us to the crazy and hazy world of teenagers. So now we have five kids under our roof. For a little while anyway. No one can accuse us of being sane.
• Jessie changed jobs again. Right after we moved. Because why not just make everything crazy?     Now he works for a company here at Thanksgivong point. The commute is awesome. Changing insurances again, not so awesome. But c'est la vie.

So there's the major highlights. With all the unintended upheaval we caused this year, my goal for next year is pretty much to settle and go with the flow. By which I mean we'll probably take over a small country or build a stadium or something. But hey, let's pretend to make goals. And by that I mean pretend to make goals while really just  anticipating the craziness of next year. Okay. Good plan.

So let's start with Ethan. This year we're looking forward to nursery (2 months baby!), learning how to talk, maybe getting into a toddler bed, being ridiculously adorable, in crossing his eyes, and breaking many, many things but hopefully not bones. 

Spencer is excited to improve his grammar, start some at home preschool, learn more letters and numbers, learn all the lyrics to My Little Pony songs, and potty train. Eventually. Someday. Maybe.

Kimberly is psyched to continue preschool and kindergarten prep, learn to read, make some new buddies, learn to ride a bike, grow way too tall, and design ever more elaborate and creative outfits.

Madeline will be busy busy busy, finishing first grade and moving to second, riding a two wheeler, writing and illustrating novels, being a social butterfly, learning everything, and prepping for her baptism in a year and a half. (Say what?!?)

I will pretty much lay around and do nothing, when I'm not cleaning up the never ending tide of clutter and laundry, cooking, shuttling, exercising, doing homework, shopping, reading, trying to find my sewing machine so I can learn how to use it, and remembering to breathe once in a while.

Jessie anticipates lots of changes at work, rekindling his love of puzzles, fixing rand kings around the house, starting a exercise program, becoming a male model, and cleaning all the stuff I didn't.

I'm sure the year will go exactly as I've outlined, because we never do anything rash or crazy without a lot of forethought and planning. But whatever 2015 brings, here's hoping it's as awesome as life is with now. 

Storms are brewing in your eyes

 

So I figured we should devote a post to Ethan's vision, because it gets a lot of press time in the real world. A one year old with glasses is apparently quite the crowd pleaser/shocker. So allow me to expound upon how Ethan became a loveable nerd, by answering the questions we get asked all the time. Usually I don't mind when people ask questions, because paparazzi is a noble calling. But some people say really dumb things. We'll get to that. First, the more intelligent questions:

 

 

 

Q: How did you know he needed glasses?

 

A: A few months before his birthday, he started developing a lazy eye. We didn't notice it for a while, but his eyes started moving separately and crossing at weird times. I asked his pediatrician about it at his 12 month appointment, and she said not to worry and have him join the circus. But I had my heart set on him being an Olympic curler, so we went to see a pediatric ophthalmologist.

 



 Q: How can a baby take an eye exam? They can't talk!

A: We went to special baby sign classes where they taught them the hand signals for "blurry", "clear" and "strabismus".  Or they do some tests where they dilate the pupils so they can look into the eye with special refractive lenses and measure the strength of prescriptions by the shape of the eye. Modern medicine is pretty fly, yo.

Q: So what is wrong with him?

A: Basically, he has really, really bad eyesight, like +5.5 and +6.0 for those of you with glasses. So his eyes were always turning in and focusing so hard they kind of got screwed up (that's the scientific term for it). A fun thing called esotropia, which basically means his eyes don't move and work together. You can google it if there's nothing on Netflix tonight. Which is basically lazy eye, which means besides the glasses, he also gets to wear a patch 3-4 hours a day. Hooray.

Q: How do you get a one year old to wear glasses?

A: Tell him all the cool kids are doing it. Or if he's not interested in peer pressure, you can follow him around every minute for a week putting them back on every time he takes them off until he gets tired of yelling and screaming and being tortured and resigns himself to his fate. It's a fun process, filled with laughter, joy, and candy. Which, incidentally, is a fun trick to play: put a cookie in each hand and then slip on the glasses. If you're lucky, he'll cry because he hates the glasses but be unwilling to relinquish the cookies. Ha ha ha ha. (That was an evil villain laugh.)

Q: How long did it take to get him to wear glasses?

A: About 3-4 weeks before I could do the dishes without worrying he was doing drugs in the bathroom while I wasn't looking....I mean 3-4 weeks before he was a good little nerd.

Q: How do you get a baby to wear a patch?

A: I will pay good money for the answer to this question. Otherwise, see above. It's basically the same process.

Q: How long until he was used to the patch?

A: Never.

Q: He is so darn cute in glasses. Aren't you so glad he gets to wear them?

A: Well, if it was up to us, we would prefer he was able to see stuff, and as you can see above, getting them to stay on was a piece of cake. But since he must be vision impaired, yes, it helps that he looks like a baby model. What, you want a picture? Okay.

 

Q: I always wanted a kid with glasses.

A: That is not a question, and also a stupid thing to say, because everyone wants their kid to have a vision impediment. Thanks for playing, weirdo.

Q: My kid also got glasses at a very young age. Do you want to hear our life story?

A: Yes, of course, because we are in the cool kid club now and we must exchange secret handshakes and commiserate.

Q: His glasses don't stay on very well. You should put on one of those strings on the back.

A: For some reason this is never a question, but a command. Thank you random person at the grocery store, we had not thought of such an elegant solution. Except we did, and we tried it, and it made him behave like a rabid dog trying to pull the glasses of his head and scratch  his face and mangle his glasses, so it was a rousing success. But it was so awesome we like to save it for special occasions like dinner parties.

Q: How do you keep him from breaking or losing them?

A; This is the only advice I shall give if you ever have a small child with glasses. Get the warranty. We are frequent fliers at the Walmart vision center and in almost three months have been in about half a dozen times to have them repaired and just got one of them totally replaced, absolutely free! Because Walmart loves nerds! As far as losing them goes, it is inevitable that eventually we will lose them for good. We have already had to retrieve them from the school yard, under the car in the garage, deep in the depths of our armchairs and couches, under beds, and in cupboards. But there is a small but dedicated part of my brain that seems to have specialized and does nothing but keep track of where I lost saw Ethan's glasses and make sure they are on his face. Jessie's brain does not have this special Glasses Nazi Area, so maybe someone in neurology should study that.

Well, that's probably a pretty good wrap up. If you have any other questions, feel free to hang around Walmart until we happen by, because this is where all serious medical consultations are held. He is pretty dratted cute though. He certainly looks pretty smart, though I have my doubts about his actual intelligence after watching him bang into walls repeatedly. But there's time.

Sugar and spice and everything nice

I think we're starting a new tradition called Belated Birthday Blogging! This little girl has been waiting a month for a spotlight:

I can't believe this diva is four. Finally. It seems like we always think she is older than she is because we're trying to lengthen out the time between her and Spencer. But marvelous and amazing things have befallen her since she has reached this great age. She's always saying things like, "Four year olds aren't afraid, they love dogs." And "I listen now that I'm four. I was bad when I was two." The veracity of these claims has yet to be proven, but we like the thought. Some fun facts about a four year old Kimberly:

• She loves preschool. She's always telling me Miss T said this and Miss T said that, and Miss T is the ultimate authority, She loves her friends and her letters and field trips, my oh my, make her world paradise. 
• Kimberly loves ponies, purple and pink, fashion, and all things pretty. Her favorite doll is her Rarity pony because "she's so fashion". She is very particular about what she wears. We finally convinced her to wear shirts and leggings under revealing dresses, but it was a battle. She absolutely refuses to wear anything she deems unworthy, She sometimes cries if I try to put her in something that's not "pretty". She always wants her hair like mine and her favorite styles include "messy bun", "one ponytail in back", and "that twisty braid I had at my old church". 
• Spencer is her truest friend and worst enemy. They spend most days together and they're either conspiring to flood the house, getting into the food stores, or trying to break each other's ear drums. Kimberly loves the opportunity to be the oldest when Madeline is gone at school and tries to mother and scold and boss.
• She continues to be selective in her friendships. She has two or three good little buddies who are her world and she is always begging to play with them. Fortunately she plays very well with these little friends and they are fun little girls. She seems drawn to kids older than herself, which may or may not be good when they all start school a year or two earlier than her. 
• She continues to be both super sweet and very emotional. She loves to help: help cook, help clean, help with the baby. But don't try to get her to do anything that's not her own idea, or you'll pay for it. 
• She says the funniest, most grown up things sometimes, and asks so many questions that Madeline hasn't even thought of yet. A few samples: "I prayed and now I'm closer to heaven." "When I'm grown up I want to work at Applebees. Not BYU because you don't cook and wait there." "I just forgot to watch my step." "For Christmas I want a straight stick so I can just touch and poke people." 

There's far more but I guess I can't make up for months of not posting in one night. Kimberly sure does crack us up, and I live in fear of the teenage years when the boys will be flocking and she'll be flirting and oh boy oh boy. But for now we'll enjoy her sassy and sweet attitude we couldn't get along without. 

Boy don't you know you can't escape me, ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

Time for another installment in the series of time marching forward at an inexorable pace. I don't like it much, but what can you do? This time, the little munchkin that is growing up without my permission is my little baby. If I keep saying that, it will be true, right?

 

 

How is it possible this guy is one? Ethan sure keeps us on our toes. I thought that after three other kids I'd mostly know what I was doing. Ha. Ethan has defied every trick I used with the other kids, done everything his own way, and given us fits. But he's so darn cute. So here's some stuff about Ethan:

 

 

-He still doesn't do milk. His eczema has gotten better but still flares up pretty often and the poor kid itches until he bleeds sometimes. Hopefully he'll outgrow that soon.

-His sleep continues to be less than ideal, but the last three days he has miraculously started really and truly sleeping through the night. Eleven or twelve hours worth. Hallelujah! I know that now that I've written that down he'll be up every hour, but I've had three straight nights of eight hours and I'm feeling a little giddy and reckless.

-Mobility wise he's very speedy on his knees, and he does not like to sit still. His proficiency at escaping us seems to make him content with crawling. He can stand and take a few steps unaided but he's not thrilled about it and he often picks up his feet so we can't make him stand. Punk. I'm sure he'll get there eventually, but this is the story of Ethan: you will not force him to do anything until he's good and ready.

-The kid likes caves, tents, and other enclosed spaces that he can hide in. Thinks they are hilarious. He can now open the doors to our shower and that's his happy place. Which is fine most the time, not so great when we've just showered and it's a water wonderland.

-He doesn't talk much yet, but he likes to repeat sounds and I'm pretty sure he has a special sound for crackers. He also says mama once in a while, which I like to rub in Jessie's face since he brainwashed our other children.

-Personality wise we're still seeing his quirks unfold. He's an interesting mix of the other kids. (I know I'm not supposed to compare kids, but when they all look like each other, it just happens.) He's quieter and more observant than Spencer or Madeline, but he's got a high pitched scream and a secret diva inside. I'm pretty sure my eardrums are permanently damaged.

 

Anyway, that's probably about it for now. Four kids has been the adventure of a lifetime, but we've survived the first year, and I know without a doubt Ethan is an invaluable addition to our family. He makes us laugh, and the kids are all enamored with him. If their love doesn't kill him, we'll enjoy his antics for years to come. Happy birthday Etheroo!