Ethan goes to the Zoo

Hey, sports fans. You thought this was dead, didn't you? Surprise! Of course, there is only one thing that could drag this blog out of retirement. We had to chronicle the expansion of the crew.

Introducing Ethan Jessie Warner. He was born September 16, 2013 at 7:39 pm, weighing in at 8 pounds 5 ounces, three weeks ahead of schedule. We think he's pretty cute.

So, how this all happened. Birth story! Except not too detailed so none of you get all traumatized. I was expecting to go to 40 weeks, because hey, I always do. But Ethan apparently wanted to be his own man, because starting Sunday morning, I started having fairly frequent contractions. This was either due to a yoga ball, really spicy sausage, a long walk, or just because he was big and he was ready. Or none of the above. Your guess is as good as mine. I seriously thought we would be at the hospital by Sunday night, but then the contractions just stopped. I figured he was just going to give me three weeks of false labor like Spencer did and went to bed. Then I woke up at 2 am with more contractions. They didn't stop when you do all the things you're supposed to do to try and stop contractions, so off to the hospital we merrily went. Where they told me I was dilated the exact same amount I had been at my last doctor's appointment, which is to say, not much. They speculated I just had an infection that was irritating and causing contractions. I was contracting enough, though, they decided to keep me for a while for observation. At this point the contractions were getting really painful and I was ready to cry thinking they might send me home to deal with them for three more weeks. So I was praying pretty hard that something would change. And lo and behold, in two more hours, I had dilated from a 1 to a 4, probably through sheer force of will. Or not. So they decided to admit me and get me some drugs, which was the best news of my life. When they gave me an epidural, I got a little loopy with happiness. It might have been the low blood pressure, but I felt super relaxed and awesome. 

Well, it was pretty lucky I dilated enough to get admitted, because as soon as I got the epidural, I stopped progressing pretty much all day. After Spencer's quick labor, I felt pretty confident things would go fast, but it was so slow. Longer than Madeline's labor by quite a bit. The nurse was pretty funny, because she was bound and determined to be there for the birth. But slow and steady we went, and the epidural started to kind of selectively wear off, so I was starting to get pretty uncomfortable again. By about six thirty Jessie and I had despaired of having a baby before midnight. But then they decided to do this thing where they lay you in weird positions to try and speed things up, and that must have done the trick,  because all of a sudden I was puking and ready to push. I knew this because unlike with the other children, the epidural was basically not working on half my body and I kind of wanted to die, and I was trying to tell Jessie I couldn't stop the baby from coming out but I was puking too hard to tell him. He knew the puking meant we were close though, so they were getting everything ready. The doctor arrived about thirty seconds before Ethan's head popped out, because let me tell you, when you're puking your guts out it's kind of impossible to stop having a baby. And thus Ethan entered the world with great to do while I was the most miserable I've ever been in my life. But once I got to hold Ethan, everything was good. And I was pretty surprised at how big he was. 

So. Enough story. We all know you want pictures. Sorry, they are mostly off of my phone or stolen from my mother.

Here he is, like most Cougar fans, looking a little uncomfortable at our inability to convert.

Random picture of the other rugrats, who love Ethan so so much, and love throwing tantrums too. Reentry has been a bit rough for Kimberly especially. Spencer hated me at the hospital and has been blissfully happy since we came home. Madeline has been extra emotional.

Ethan in his monkey hat the kids picked out for him.

Happy to be a big sister again. Because now she can ride in the back of the van with Madeline. These are the important things in life.

All the kiddos together for the first time. Spencer would not relinquish my water cup, even for the paparazzi. 

Well, there you go. Hope you enjoyed this update from the World of Warner. 

Hey.

Hey! So. Summer. Kicking our trash pretty much. Time for catch up. Speed blog style.

-We went camping. That was a mistake. The kids loved it. I think I died but I'm not sure because I probably repressed the memory.

-We attended a family reunion. Jessie played about twenty sports and died. The children were sleep deprived for several days and then all passed out together after too much swimming, treats, and sun. Madeline lost her second tooth and had a mental breakdown.

-Kimberly has been potty training. It has either been slowly but wildly successful or we've wasted six months of our life. She wears underwear now but who knows if that's a good idea.

-Spencer falls down a lot. Come to think of it, pretty much all my children run into things a lot. Grace is not in high supply here. But I pretty much have to check Spencer for concussions ten times a day, because his fixation with climbing and destruction is probably going to be his ultimate demise.

-I am getting really fat. I'm officially past the whole second trimester happy place. I'm already getting a lot of "When is that baby coming again?" and "How long do you have left?", which is really what you want to hear with a whole trimester left. Also, we have no idea what to name our child. He will probably be known as Surf if we fail to come up with something.

-Madeline started soccer. We've only made it to two games. She enjoyed the first and thought she scored every time she touched the ball. She hated the second game and only wanted to sit and drink water. Maybe tennis or chess next time.

There's probably more. But we're a little frazzled by temper tantrums and children who don't like sleeping, so we're probably going to go hide in a bunker now. Hope you're having a good summer. Stay cool.

A small recap of, you know, life.

Happy May. Life has been shockingly busy of late. We took our little jaunt to Costa Rica, and it was amazing. I can't get into it right now though, because I need to upload pictures to do it justice. Or rather steal pictures from Jessie's coworker, who actually took good ones. Anyway, between that and everyone getting sick once we got back, we've had our hands full. But hey, in the midst of all the chaos, we took a little side trip to the doctor and found out some exciting news about our future progeny. Wait for it...okay, you probably already know. We're having another little boy! Spencer is beside himself. About many other things, not about this, because he still hasn't figured out he's getting displaced. But the girls are pretty excited. Madeline complained for about thirty seconds because she was set on a sister and then started making up a song and dance celebrating the occasion. Kimberly was cool with it but really wants to name the little guy Spencer. Because two Spencers are better than one.

Jessie and I are pretty excited we're going to have two little pairs of matching munchkins. Jessie's only disappointed because he blew his perfect record predicting gender. Me, I'm still perfect at 0-4, so I'm obviously superior. Jessie likes that I now talk about the boys' room and the girls' room. I'm just glad I'll be able to ship off half the crew for Father and Son camp-outs. Yeehaw.

Well, that's about the news. There's probably more, but I'm a bit worn out from building a boy and dealing with irrational two year olds. (Seriously. Kimberly is this close to being set loose in the wilds of Africa where she belongs. We do not support independent thinking here anymore. Only swift and terrible dictatorship.) So we'll let you all get back to your important summer plans. Over and out.

Gestation Update

Hey folks. How's the peanut gallery? Life here continues to roll on. I thought since we have a zillion other things going on, the most important thing to tell you all about is how I'm getting fat.

Here's our progress at week 17. Forgive the awesome aesthetics of the photo. The wet hair, the messy room, the dirty mirror. I was going to get gussied up in my ball gown and lounge in the garden, but we don't want to lose the glamour of a fourth pregnancy here. This is living. 

On the positive side, the nausea is gone, so life is worth living again. That's probably all the physical detail you want and I'm willing to share, because let's face it, pregnancy ailments are everyone's favorite topic. But lest I disappoint you, we can still discuss my favorite pregnancy symptom: how I'm slowly turning into a crazy person. Seriously, the hormones are kicking my trash. I tried to explain it to Jessie once, but I probably didn't convey very well how my emotional state has turned into a bad YA novel. Like every emotion I've ever had in my life is just swarming around at 300 percent capacity in my subconscious and breaking out to terrorize the local villagers every once in a while. Irritability and tears being the most fun. Jessie likes to make fun of me when I cry at stupid commercials or cartoons. Except the joke's on him, because I cry at everything when he's not looking. Don't worry, I'm not about to have a nervous breakdown or anything. It just looks that way on the outside. But really, we're having a dandy old time.

In other baby related news, only two weeks until we find out what this little one is. We're excited about that. We don't really care if it's a boy or a girl, and I go back and forth on which I'm pulling for based on which kid is being cuter/naughtier in the moment. I'd tell you what I think it is, but since I'm always wrong, this would be bad for my street cred. Jessie thinks it's a girl. (I don't care about his street cred.) Feel free to place bets and you know, feel superior if you're right. 

And, that's all the news we have on new offspring. Thanks for staying tuned.

Forever Young

So I am not as cool as I thought I am. We happened to miss an important date a few days ago, and obviously I love Madeline more than Jessie since I got her birthday post done early. But Jessie is a big boy who ties his own shoes and everything, and furthermore he's legally stuck with me, so I'm sure he'll recover. So...Jessie had a birthday! Old geezer. I admit, I have been terrible taking pictures with the camera this year, so we don't have as many pictures of the stud as would be advised. But fortunately, we had someone better with a camera get some shots, so we will forever be reposting those. So smart of us.

See how handsomely and casually he leans upon the post? A genius in leaning. So it would be fun to lie to you about his age, but Jessie would probably catch that and get mad at me. So I'll just tell you he turned a prime number. That's right! 37! You guys are so smart. (If he tells you it's only 29 he's clearly going senile.) Since next year is a big deal, 38 being a big number and all, I keep teasing Jessie that's he's on the brink of senior citizenship. In honor of his advancing years, let's list all the ways Jessie is getting old.

• Instead of lounging around all day at the beach or working at McDonalds, he got a respectable 8-5 job where he does computer stuff all day and cares what his boss thinks and occasionally wears slacks. Boring, right? I mean, I hear rumors they play ping pong all day and throw watermelons off of buildings and stuff. But senior citizens do weird stuff like that too.
• Whenever he participates in sports he comes home with injuries. Sprained ankles, jammed fingers, almost broken noses, strained muscles. Clearly his body is falling apart after years of overuse.
• He got his dream car a couple months ago after convincing me he needed it to commute and stuff. His dream car is a Hyundai Sonata. An old people car if I ever saw one. He tried to get the turbo engine to make it seem cooler, but I was worried about the effect on his blood pressure and nixed that idea for his health.
• He has 3 1/2 children. No explanation needed here. Only old fogies have lots of children.
• He spends most nights watching television on the couch with a pregnant woman. Every night I beg him to take me clubbing or to a midnight movie or a big concert, but he always claims he's so exhuasted after a day with the children and cooking and cleaning and he has a headache and man, gestating a baby is so much work, would I just leave him the heck alone so he can recuperate! Oh wait. That might be someone else. But the point is Jessie is old.

I could go on, but let's not embarrass the old boy. He's got some avid fans around here even if he is elderly, and he's pretty much everyone's favorite. You should see the mobs when he gets home from work. Jessie is pretty awesome, and let's be honest, he makes the world go round here at the Warner household, and pretty much holds everything together with his coolness. We love him a lot. Happy 29th, I mean 37th, birthday Mr. Warner! Here's to a good year ahead.

Five for Fighting

These little milestones keep coming a little faster now. Goodness, I'm going to have to start getting ghost writers. But I suppose I can muster up a little writing frenzy, because goodness knows, this is a big one. Here's the rascal now:

This little imp has, against all odds, made it to 5. Well, technically tomorrow she'll make 5.You have to be impressed I'm this on the ball. Wow, has this girl changed our life and made things crazy, but we sure can't imagine not having her around. Hmm. So. Madeline at 5. (That sounds strange. I don't like it.) Well, here's what's up with the princess:

- She lost her first tooth. It was super traumatic. It was wiggly for weeks, and we had her all prepped and excited for it to come out. Then, of course, I go to church ten minutes early for a song practice, and in the interim Jessie loosened it up and Madeline pulled it out. And then clammed up and refused to be comforted for the next two hours. Finally she got cheered up. But the next morning, the Easter egg she had stowed it in in anticipation of putting it under her pillow was abducted by her siblings and the tooth, sadly, was lost to oblivion. But Madeline, in her infinite wisdom, decided that Tinkerbell and her snow sister must have collected it for the tooth fairy even though it wasn't under her pillow, and sure enough, when we checked it out there was money under her pillow (because she has a mother who is quick on her feet, if I do say so myself). Crisis averted. A new tooth is already growing in. Sad day. She's kind of adorable without it.

-She's a week away from graduating preschool, and off to kindergarten in the fall. I am pretty much freaked out. I'm still having nightmares about school six years out of college, and there she goes to start the whole process. On a school bus where she will probably die. With a class full of children who will probably bully her or something. In a strange situation where she'll probably have a nervous breakdown where I can't talk her down. Oh, the fun possibilities. She'll be fine. She'll be awesome. I'll be a wreck. 

-She loves, loves loves writing and art. Our house is a wasteland of letters, envelopes, pictures, and cut up paper. She has started trying to spell things on her own, with hilarious results. She likes rhyming and singing and Daniel Tiger. Everything has a Daniel Tiger ditty to go with it. We sing a song for using the bathroom, for eating dinner, for waiting, for sharing. Sometimes I want to get my little hands on Daniel Tiger and poke out his vocal cords.

-She is probably the most emotional kid west of the Mississippi. Seriously, the amount of crises we have around here in a day is staggering. Sometimes over extremely important things like her friends having to go home after hours of playing, or being asked to pick up toys after getting them out. Sometimes over even more important things like not getting a treat after every meal or getting the wrong color plate or having a one year old act like a one year old in her presence. 

Well, there's a lot more that could be said, but I feel like that's a long enough novel. Madeline is pretty awesome. Still a firecracker as she's been since day one. Still a sweetheart and stubborn as a mule. Still creative and imaginative and crazy. She continues to amaze me and astound me and drive me nuts and warm my heart. Happy birthday, crazy girl. You can stop growing now.

All that she wants, is another baby

Hey everybody! Long time no see. So I may be the queen of excuses, but trust me, this time I have a good one. So for anyone who missed it on facebook, here's our little Easter annoucement:

So, there you go. Awesome reason why blogging has not been top on my list of things to do. Basically, this has been my priority list the last few months:

1. Don't die.

2. Make sure the kids didn't die.

3. Occasionally ask Jessie if he has died.

That's pretty much it. If there's time left over after that extensive list, I might use it to try and clear up the confusion between my house and the local land fill. Through PR releases, naturally, not through actually trying to lessen any resemblance my house bears to the local land fill. Fortunately, we are approaching week 14 and the nausea is abating, so maybe in the future the house will move up the list of priorities. 

Well that just sounds rosy and excited, doesn't it? Don't get the idea that we're not excited. We are thrilled to add another little whippersnapper to the family. We are undoubtedly crazy, and of course scared to death that four children will drive us swiftly to the loony bin, but we're glad and happy and confident this is a good thing for our family. I was reading some Anne of Green Gables during my sickly convalescence and ran across this little gem that sort of sums up my feelings (and reminded me that I was glad to be puking. Glad I tell you) : "Some folks think they (babies) are luxuries,' I said, 'but at Ingleside we think they are necessities." So if I start complaining about feeling yucky feel free to throw that up in my face and I'll give you a dirty look and we'll all feel better.

Here's to October. :-)