Only hate the road when your missing home

Hi all! So we've moved. Flown the coop. Relocated. I would have updated you before now but it took a while to get the old internet up and running, and blogging on my phone is an exercise in pain. But now, here we are in Traverse Mountain, and life is rolling along. We're all still in the adjustment stage, some of us being cooler adjusters than others. Maybe a family member rundown is in order. I'll even throw in some pictures from the photo shoot my cousin did for us right before we got bored and decided to move.

And here's Ethan! Kid has an obsession with cords, vines, hair and all things he can pull. He is having fun at the new house and probably cares least that we moved. He has been sleeping so much better since he got his own room. He's made it through the night a few times and is not perfect but getting better at self soothing. It helps his bedroom is across the house so if I forget to turn on the monitor (which I usually don't do on purpose, but in a sleepy haze at 3 in the morning when I turn it off so Jessie doesn't wake up, it doesn't always go back on), he really has to get worked up and loud to wake me up. He has gotten to be quite a fast crawler and is just discovering the lure of the stairs, so we should really locate our baby gate. Which, besides the screws to the crib, is one of two things we lost hardware to when we moved, because we are smart, so Ethan is dwelling in a pack and play. He is also learning that it hurts to fall down on wood floors. Lucky kid gets to learn to walk in a death trap. Yay!

As far as sleeping goes, Spencer is the only one really struggling. He doesn't like sleeping downstairs even though it's only about twenty steps from our room, and he doesn't like napping in a new place. So he goes to bed about 9:30 and has taken about 3-4 naps in his bed since we got here. In an unlikely turn of events he is currently asleep (thus the blogging) but it's on his floor. At least we're getting closer. He is a crazy whirlwind of devastation and stress. He gets lost every time we step out the door. At the museum the other day he was gone for 20-30 minutes and we had security scouring the building when he magically appeared right where we left him. He breaks everything he can get his hands on. He threw a toy at our tv screen and cracked it pretty good. Then it developed the annoying habit of going completely white, black, or rainbow every thirty seconds until you pounded it with your fist, and now I'm pretty sure the pounding has spread the cracks in the LCD and now we can't see anything. So that's cool, and the most expensive thing any of our kids has broken. Spencer is cool like that.

So disclaimer, I had to steal these pictures off of facebook since only Jessie's computer has a CD drive, and apparently all the pictures I uploaded of Kimberly were in black and white, so she gets to be cool and different. Kimberly loves having her own room, goes to sleep great, and in fact has been taking more naps than Spencer, although they are generally on our couch or the aforementioned hardwood floors. She does not like going to a new primary, but on only our second week actually attending all three hours of church, we discovered she will consent to stay if she can sit with the little girl up the road with whom she has become good friends. This means she doesn't sit with her own class, but baby steps, right? She is getting into puzzles again but isn't as good as she was when she was two because she isn't as patient anymore. We blame Madeline for that one. Speaking of our little drama queen:

Madeline does not like being out of school and does not like that we moved, so life is pretty much terrible. Well, besides getting to go to museums and have play dates and have her own room and walk in closet and go on vacation to Bryce Canyon and all the other bazillion fun things we have done for her lately, life is pretty much terrible. She has already made several friends but not nearly enough because their are some moments of the day they are all busy. She has been busy writing notes about what we all do all day and drawing pictures and otherwise making messes.

I've been packing. Then I was cleaning. Then I was unpacking. Somewhere in there I held a baby and lost sleep and tried to keep Spencer from dying. There was that weekend all the children were gone at Bryce Canyon for a couple of days, and Jessie and I pretended to go on a date while we doing all day errands and cleaning our townhome. It was nice to be able to go places without having to buckle in fifty people or pack snacks or plan around short tempers and multiple naps. Ethan was gracious enough to be understanding about our largely ignoring him to get things done. Things are starting to calm down now, and I've decided to turn a blind eye to the rest of the stuff we need to organize for a while. Because YOLO or something.

Jessie has also been a busy bee. He's been working hard during the day with some stressful busy stuff and then pulling double duty coming home to a messy house and organizing. Not to mention all the random fixer upper stuff he's been responsible for. Home Depot is his new best friend. (For all our home reapir needs, we go to Home Depot. For all decorating and household needs we go next door to Walmart. We're so classy.) Hopefully we haven't killed him the past month. If you see him out wandering through your neighborhood with a vacant expression and a chocolate chip cookie, don't worry, he's just on his break.

So that's us. We're loving the new place and trying to figure out what's next. Start a major corporation? Run for President? Adopt 10 kids? Don't worry, we'll figure it out. We just don't want to be bored for too long, sitting here twiddling our thumbs and watching our children throw well-behaved tea parties.

I'm gonna make this place your home

Hey folks. Well, big things are afoot here at the Warner residence. We got sick of having a certain adorable eight month old in our room all night, and no one else volunteered to let him live in their room, so there was naturally only one solution. We decided to buy a house.

This house. Specifically. It kind of happened rather fast. We were not moving until next year. Then we decided to test the waters and ask a realtor what we should be doing to get ready for that. And here we are, a month later, moving. Whoopsie daisy. Anyhow, it may be crazy but we feel good about it. This little number is in Traverse Mountain in Lehi. It has, among other wonderful features, a room for Ethan to scream in, a room for Madeline to scream in, a yard for Spencer to fall down in, a big room for Jessie to hold sibling reunions, and a garage for me to park in. Kimberly has no valid reason to move to this house. 

We are super excited about all the upcoming changes, but life has taken on a new brand of crazy in the wake of Hurricane Big Move. We have a lot of boxes around. Madeline gets mad whenever we pack up anything she didn't give us permission to pack. Spencer likes to climb on all the piles of boxes, some of them at pretty awesome heights now. Ethan is just learning to crawl, because he has impeccable timing. On the bright side, he's happier now that he can go places. On the not so bright side, it's an awesome time to have random stuff all over the floor and in half packed boxes for his exploration and delight. Kimberly is just excited it will be summer and Madeline will be home and she will get her own room from which to send forth her edicts on exactly how we should live our lives. 

Anyway, that's what's going down. Forgive us if we don't make radio contact for a while. Once we hit shore and the dust settles we'll let you know if we all made it alive and if we have alienated all our new neighbors with our winning ways. Ciao.

What a man, what a man

Never fear, I didn't forget I was writing two posts. I just forgot I had four children. Or something. But I am pleased to announce that Jessie Lynn Warner the First has finally, officially, and irrevocably, gotten old.

This is what we were doing a year ago. When we were young. Now that crab would eat Jessie because he is old and decrepit and low on the food chain.

 

Jessie is 30! That doesn't even sound old anymore. Probably because I'm almost 30 and obviously I won't be old when I'm 30. But I want to make it clear, if I haven't with the other twelve references, that Jessie is old. Very old. But he is also pretty cool. He has done much with the prime of his life. Actually, during the Olympics we were watching some snowboarder who was 29 and Jessie got very mournful and was very bummed he hadn't won any gold medals or done anything else 'impressive'. Well, Mr. Warner, I am here to tell you that I think your first 30 years were very impressive. Super impressive. I  feel a list coming on.

 

30 impressive things about Jessie's first 30 years of life

(In a particular order, which is, the order they came to my brain)

1. Baptized a member of the LDS church
2. Served an honorable mission in Buenos Aires, Argentina
3. Married a girl almost as impressive as himself in the temple
4. Had 4 kids in five years (I give you partial credit, because we all know you didn't actually have them, but people are rightly impressed by you anyway.)
5. Bought and paid for 3(4?) cars
6. Bought and paid for a few doorknobs in a house
7. Served in at least a dozen church callings faithfully
8. Traveled to and looked hot in Costa Rica
9. Looked hot in Utah, Nevada, California, Idaho, and Texas (it is rumored that you also looked hot in over a half dozen easterly states and Argentina, but as no eyewitness testimony was recorder by anyone in this house, we cannot substantiate the claim)
10. Earned a Bachelor's degree
11. Earned an MBA (while supporting a wife and daughter who sat at home and watched reality tv and ate junk food)
12. Got a real job
13. Got more and better real jobs
14. Got promoted a lot, I'd write the number, but I forgot how many times. Honestly, Jessie, stop getting promoted. You make the little people jealous and sad. And they cry.
15. Broke both wrists at the same time
16. Got an honest to goodness, knocked out for hours concussion
17. Founded an annual White Elephant party
18. Made at least five major furniture purchases
19. Made Eagle Scout and other additional cool scouting things I don't the names of, including winning an award for being inspirational or something dumb like that
20. Won a television, ipad, gift cards, international trip, and other stuff, BUT NOT RECENTLY (hint hint)
21. Fixed a lot of household stuff and dry walled a ceiling, tiled some floors, and beyond 
22. Made my parents like you as much or more than me
23. Convinced your own mother you walk on water (I'm still searching for blackmail)
24. Watched the entire 7 seasons of The West Wing
25. Won a spelling bee (or maybe 2nd? Still impressive)
26. Had an appendectomy
27. Did I mention being a dad to 4 children? (Technically different than contributing DNA.) Good job sir.
28. Mastered the art of installing car seats
29. Beaten your parents at Pinochle
30. Put up with yours truly. For 8 years.

See? I want to know if Mr. Gold Medal can compete with that resume. Pretty impressive stuff, Mr. Warner. You don't sit around wasting time. Happy birthday and may your next 30 years be as awesome as the last. But maybe less hospitals. We love you around here.

It's her party, and she'll cry if she wants to

Hold on to your hats folks. That wonderful habit the people have of getting older every year means that not one, but TWO posts are imminent. We'll go chronologically for fun. And for order. So, coming up first:

Isn't that awesome? You just know it's going to be in her wedding video someday. Unless she elopes. Then I'll put it in an announcement in the paper. Anyhow, this little urchin is six years old now! My, how the time flies. Except it seems like it should be longer. I might be the only mother on the planet who feels like their kid should be older than they are. Maybe it's the three younger siblings? Who knows. We love having her around though. She's a little crazy and a little amazing. Here's some stuff I don't want to forget about Madeline:

• She loves school still and is doing great. She reads above grade level and is always, always writing. She writed her own stories and while her spelling is a bit creative, some of the are hilarious. One story was a rip off of "Brown bear, brown bear" with all of our family seeing each other. Until she got to Daddy, then it went a little like this: "Daddy, daddy, what do you see? I see Spencer looking at me. Hey Spencer. Stop it. Stop looking at me. No. Stop it. No. Stop it. I can't. Please stop it. Okay. I stopped. Thank you." 
• Although she has always, always gone by Madeline to all but a few people, she decided she didn't like writing out Madeline Warner on all her papers. So she decided to go by Maddy on her schoolwork. Which is weird, because I always spell it Maddie, but she decided that's what she wanted to do. And since there's a Maddy in the am class at school, all her work is now signed Maddy W. Cracks me up.
• She is also always, always drawing. I have to take away pens and crayons all the time to get her to listen. She got an art set for her birthday and spends hours making stuff at the table. She tapes weird shapes together and calls it a toy for Ethan. She recreates everything in construction paper.
• She still loves people and her friends more than anything. She has some good little buddies in the neighborhood and together they get in a lot of trouble and create a lot of drama. Her favorite letter is not M, but R, because that is what one of her friend's name starts with 
• She aspires, among other things, to be a builder, a teacher, an author, and a mother. And when she is a mother, and I quote, "my kids will all love my husband more than me. And it will make me sad."
• Her favorite pop culture icons are My Little Pony, Frozen (in which she is Elsa and Kimberly is Anna, naturally), Barbie, and Rapunzel. She has Let it Go memorized, like most small girls, and she sings it loudly in public restrooms. With a lot of attitude.
• She struggles with disappointment. Being told no often leads to a meltdown of epic proportions and time alone in her room kicking the door. We fully expect the teenage years to be horrendously wrenching.
• She loves to mother Ethan, and will often pick him up when he is crying on the floor and bring him to me. Which is not so helpful but sweet. More helpful is when she sits him up and gives him toys and makes him laugh. He adores her.
• She and Kimberly have a typical love\hate relationship of sisters. They play together quite well most of the time, but Madeline has a hard time giving up control in their little fantasy world.

So that's a small sampling of Madeline. She is a bit exasperating at times since she devotes herself so totally to whatever her little soul is doing, which means getting her attention is hard and all matters are life and death, but we love her passion, curiosity, and creativity. Happy birthday, Maddy Lou. May you always be so full of fun.

He'll probably climb a tree too tall and ride his bike too fast

Well, I promised you a post. A post about this boy:

 

This is his angry face. But not really. His angry face is much more angry.

 

Anyway, it has only been a month since his birthday, but he deserves a post all the same. Because this boy is awesome. A little bundle of terror and fun. We liken him unto our own Energizer bunny. He never stops going, and when I pray for the safety of my children, it's possible I pray most sincerely for his. Luckily he hasn't had many serious incidents since the back to back face mashings that provided such great photo fodder for facebook, but he's always smashing his hand, his finger, hitting his head, falling down, getting stuck, and otherwise making us fear for his life. When he's not doing that, he's making messes, a sampling of which I have already graced you with. I don't bat an eye when I walk through the house and step in something wet anymore. The boy has a royal obsession with dumping and filling. Also with putting toilet paper in the toilet and flushing it. Over and over and over and over. You could toilet paper someone's house with his spoils. Other tidbits about Spencer:

 

• He loves to terrorize people. He chases everyone around with his hands up like claws roaring like a dinosaur. I literally find the girls cowering in corners in fear.
• He has to pick his own clothes and get himself dressed. If you pick clothes he will not wear them unless you put them back in the drawer and let him pick. Other quirky habits: He changes pajamas four times a night, he likes to wear the girl's socks, and he refuses in genera; to wear matching pajama tops and bottoms. Also he tends to lose his pants.
• Speaking of terrorizing, he loves Ethan. So so much. So much that he tends to throw himself upon Ethan with great force and grab his limbs and wrestle and wake him up from naps because he misses him so badly. Did I mention I also tend to pray with some fervency for Ethan's safety?
• He loves cars and trains. Like many boys, he dotes on Thomas, and one of his favorite things is to get piles of cars and line them up in rows while laying on his stomach. Maybe I'm a little biased, but slightly adorable beyond words.
• He is always excited about everything. His vocal abilities are only so so, but he manages to convey his meaning mostly through inflection. Everything ends in a high pitched squeal of-excitement. "Dad-DEE?!? Mad-LYN?!? Cook-KEE?!?" He may or may not be accused of sounding like a girl. Hopefully puberty will be a relief for him.
• He loves nursery now. Only took six months, but now he runs in like a champ and beats up the other kids in delight. We're so proud. The nursery leaders probably feel the same way when we come to get him that I feel at bedtime.
• Other things Spencer enjoys in no particular order: shoes, getting his nails painted, outside, slides, treats, juice, Daddy, dumping things, dogs at a distance, doing things himself, reading to himself, ripping up books, meat, dress up, climbing, jumping, tackling, dolls, snacks, ipads, iphones, anything electronic, hiding under blankets, running away, pushing things, pushing people, laughing maniacally.

So that's Spence for you. A little bundle of joy and mischief and love and independence and busyness. We sure love him and couldn't get along without him, although we'd probably breathe easier if he lived in a plastic wrapped bubble in an enclosed bouncy house. Happy belated birthday sweet boy.

Born to be Wild- or, All about Boys

It's been almost six months since we became a tribe of six (and with six of us I do feel like we qualify as a tribe now, or maybe a small pack of wild dogs). And let me tell you, some days I still feel as overwhelmed as the first day Jessie went back to work and said, "Good luck! Stay alive!" Once in a great while I feel like I'm starting to get on top of things, and that maybe in the not so distant future I might be a cool, accomplished, productive member of society. The ratio of these moments is somewhere along the lines of the ratio of the number of times Spencer creates a mess to the number of times he cleans one up. Hmm, funny, there might be a correlation there.

Anywho, I probably only have the gumption to chronicle anything today because I'm utilizing this bad boy:

 

This is my birthday present. Our old laptop was perfectly useable and awesome, except the small detail that the screen was almost entirely detached from the keyboard. And it is not supposed to be removable like these newfangled tablet computer whatsits. So we splurged and now I have a shiny new computer with only a few crumbs in the keyboard. Because the children like how shiny and new it is too. It makes me want to do computer stuff.

 

So back to raising multiple small heathens. A lot of the stress comes from this deceptively cute life form:

 

Don't you love his awesome hair? Small side note: I have since cut off the wild patchy Mohawk, left over from when he went entirely bald except on the top of his head. It's all growing back nicely now, but I couldn't bring myself to cut it even and respectable. I'm a wimp like that. But then one day I just seized the moment and ran a razor over his head and now he looks like he's ten years old. But I'm really good at tangents today. We're supposed to be talking not about how adorable he is, but his evil plan to take over the world.

 

Ethan loves to be chill, easy-going, delightful, and happy, until he doesn't. He is much more like Madeline as a baby than either of the last two children, and obviously, this scares Jessie and I witless. He still has a fair bit of baby eczema going on despite my going mostly off milk and soy, and the itching bothers him. Also, he has seen fit to follow in his brother's footsteps and be an early teether. He has four so far. And unlike his brother, he is not a fast learner when it comes to nursing gently. Also, even beyond the itchiness and teething, he's a pretty lousy sleeper. At night he's okay, but during the day he doesn't like to sleep more than thirty or forty minutes at a time unless he's exhausted and protected from siblings. And he fights sleep worse than Spencer does, which is saying something. He must be nursed, rocked, or swung to sleep. We've started crying it out, which is proving to be just as traumatic for me as when we did it with Madeline, and I get to spend a lot of time listening to my baby screech like he's dying and suffering from guilt. But I keep reminding myself that it made Madeline so much happier, and therefore will solve all my problems ever, because if four children have taught me anything, it's that the same method works on every child without fail. So the upshot of all this is, Ethan is one of my more difficult babies. But he's so cute. Drat.

 

Since we're talking about evil plans to take over the world:

 

I just realized this is from his birthday, and it's March and I never wrote a birthday post for him. See, my one blogging goal. Poor third child. Maybe I'll get around to that. Which means maybe I won't tell you right this moment every detail of living with a two year old Spencer, and save that for a birthday post. Except this list:

 

Strawberry syrup on the rug.

Bottle of blue snowcone syrup on the carpet and kitchen floor.

Small pools of milk carefully poured onto every kitchen chair. And under every kitchen chair.

Ran over by a shopping cart. Twice.

Ate a whole box of ding dongs.

Ate a whole bag of tootsie rolls.

Dumped several bags of cereal. Multiple times.

Dumped one bag of cereal into his toy wagon and carted it around the house.

Poured out several pitchers of juice. Multiple times.

Opened all his birthday presents before his birthday. Twice.

Bit the baby. On the nose and his fingers. Multiple times.

Stole several rolls while they were rising. Reshaped them.

Stole my can opener. Found two days later in a toy bin.

Poured water all over the bathroom floor. Many times.

Smashed his hand in the door.

Got lost at Chuck E. Cheese.

Got lost at Walmart. Multiple times.

Dropped a full box of cookies behind the couch.

Pulled all the pillows and cushions off the sectional. Every day. Multiple times a day.

Stole and lost my phone. Multiple times.

 

Anyway. Just a small sampling of Spencer's last few weeks. There is more but I have repressed it to protect my sanity. Love that kid. More to come on him.

 

I suppose this post will be strictly masculine, because as much dirt as I could dish on the girls, this has become quite a long post. And it's dinner time. My kids are really demanding about sustenance. It's not my fault if I'm trying to starve them in an effort to keep them from growing. So. Until later, after the feeding frenzy has subsided.

 

 

 

 

 

You're Hot, then You're Cold

So. I had this goal to update this blog four times a month this year. Because I love you all. But now that goal has the lofty title of being the first New Year's goal to be kaput. Unless we pretend January didn't happen. So Happy February and Happy New Year!

No, but really. I didn't really have much time to blog this month. I know I like to be a bit sarcastic and light-hearted on this blog, but we can be real enough for one paragraph to admit motherhood is no walk in the park, right? I love all my children like I love chocolate cake, but it's been a rough patch. One of those seasons when every child likes to go through a "challenging phase" at the same time. Now, I'm no shrinking flower when it comes to challenges, but four at a time can really deplete your patience. But we're still alive, and still glad to have four kids, so Warners for the Win!

So, in order to honor the good and the bad, and make you simultaneously desperately want children and as community birth control, here's one awesome and one not so awesome thing about parenting each of of our little rascals. No pictures, because of copyrights and such.

Ethan, the challenging: Worst Sleeper Award: I think Ethan might give Madeline a run for her money for most needy baby. Between teething (1 tooth and counting), and skin issues that make him really itchy, Ethan does not like sleeping. And when he wakes up he lets you know his displeasure with those signature Warner lungs. Combine that with some of the other children and sleep deprivation abounds.

Ethan, the delightful: Baby Laughs: This is not unique to Ethan, but he is in that charming baby stage where his smiles and laughs are free and easy, and everyone in the house is addicted. Nothing can cure the fatigue blues like a good hearty Ethan laugh.

Spencer, the challenging: Busy Bee: Spencer never. Ever. Stops. He is always in everything, attacking the baby for those laughs, trying to eat everything in the pantry, tormenting his sisters, and stealing any electronic device he can get his hands on. We switched him to a toddler bed after Christmas and he has not quite gotten the swing of things, so he is often up until ten or eleven because he sneaks out and falls asleep on the stairs. Which means a long day of busy Spencernkess for Mom and Dad, with no respite when the other kids are fast asleep.

Spencer, the delightful: Every Day is So Exciting: Spencer, at almost two, is constantly in wonder at all the cool stuff around him. A cookie! Wow! A book! Amazing! Nursery! Yay! He is constantly giggling at his good fortune and reveling in all the cool things he's never seen before, and his excitement is a bit infectious. It's hard to stay mad long at that happy go lucky kid.

Kimberly, the challenging: Lest you get weary of hearing how my children never sleep (ha, see what I did there?), we'll choose for our one thing Kimberly's aversion to Primary. She does not like change, and has only successfully attended Primary all the way through a few times. She doesn't want us to leave and gets all puppy dog eyed and cries and has to use the bathroom and gets stomach aches and head aches and is generally pitiful. (Doesn't school sound like it's going to go well?) And she has no qualms about missing singing and fun to come sit quietly in the adult Sunday School class.

Kimberly, the delightful: Little Charmer: Kimberly defitnitely has the gift of charm. She asks adorable questions, mothers her siblings, sings little songs, and every inflection and twirl and smile screams "Love me!" She is a sensitive soul who knows what just to say to melt your heart when she's in trouble, and even when she's in full meltdown mode, she'll shut her eyes and bunch her fists and scream, "I'm trying to listen and be good but I JUST. CAN'T. LIFE IS SO HARD." And you're laughing.

Madeline, the challenging: Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde: Madeline, bless her soul, lives life with a passion that must be exhausting. And as sweet as she is, when something happens she doesn't approve of, she can turn on a pin and start the scariest tantrums you've ever seen. Usually about small, meaningless things, usually ending in her screaming and kicking her bedroom door. As our guinea pig, she has parents who have no tried and true method for dealing with these behaviors, so there are a lot of tears on both sides figuring it out. We'll either get it someday, or start selling tickets.

Madeline, the delightful: Learner Extraordinaire: Can I just say that probably one of the absolute best and most satisfying aspects of parenting is seeing your child learn and master new things? Madeline has grown leaps and bounds in kindergarten, and she can now read entire picture books mostly by herself. And it is delightful. We have so much fun reading together and she constantly startles me with things she knows. I love seeing her use her talents and maybe, someday, become as nerdy and awkward as me.

So, there's a sampling of what's making us laugh and cry lately. If you don't hear from me for a while, I'm just discovering a whole new crop of fantastic and terrible things about my children, and enjoying, if not every minute, enough amazing ones to make it worth it ten times over.